We stay completely still while the sun sets outside, until he’s able to take steady breaths and I’m sure my knees must be bruised. Until he pulls away, runs his hands over my lips, nose, eyebrows, jaw, checking I’m real. He presses a gentle kiss to my lips. “I’m tired, Ophelia. Not the short-term kind.”
“That’s okay. I am too.”
He holds me at arm’s length, the ghost of a laugh sneaking inside his next exhale. “You know I love you, yeah?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You look fucking dreadful.”
My laughter echoes around the cold, clinical room. “I think it’d be fair to say I didn’t handle the flight well.” I take in the tired lines around his face, the red tinge to his eyes. He’s beautiful. “You look like shit, too.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“Is your mom …” I trail off, unsure what I’m even asking. Obviously, she’s not okay.
“I don’t know,” he says, swiping the back of his hand over his eyes. “They’ve hardly told me anything. Her heart is weak because she’s been so underweight for so long and the antipsychotics she’s on make it worse and how the hell am I supposed to explain all of this to the girls when I don’t even understand—”
“Hey,” I interrupt, running my hands through his hair to try to catch him before he spirals into a panic. I of all people know not to promise him that she’ll be okay, or that he’ll feel better tomorrow. So I make him the only promise I know to be true. “I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”
I reach down to my tired-looking duffel, pulling out a bag of Jelly Babies and dropping them onto the cupboard beside us.
The tiny smile on his lips gives me hope. He drags me onto his lap on the armchair. The heat of his body encompasses mine, his familiar smell like a blanket around my shoulders. “Until midnight?”
“A hundred years from now.”
“I love you,” he breathes, eyes fluttering shut. The line between his brows smooths out, his breathing deepens, slows down. I feel his body relax beneath me as I run my fingers through the mess of his hair. I think he’s fallen asleep. So I hold my breath, and the pee I’ve been needing for hours, content to listen to the steady beat of his pulse.
A doctor in scrubs comes into the room a short while later. She nods at Alex. “Should I come back? It’s positive news.”
Thankfuck. I shake my head and gently wake Alex, rising to my feet.
“She’s been awake for a little while and she’s alert,” the doctor says, before Alex can ask otherwise. His head falls into his hands again, shoulders sinking with relief. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom while the doctor explains everything that’s going on with Elise’s weakening heart. It’d feel strange listening to it without her permission.
When I come back, Alex is in the hallway.
“I can visit her.”
“Would you rather I stay out here?”
He nods, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I think so. She worries about her appearance. I think she’d like the chance to get changed and do her hair and makeup before she meets you.”
The world doesn’t deserve him.
“I’ll go find us coffee.”
He stares down at me, the muscles in his jaw relaxing just a fraction. His thumb swipes my cheek, like a sculptor adding his final touch. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
I let my lashes drift shut, lean into his caress. “I’m here.”
I’m here, and it feels like I’m exactly where I need to be.
THE CHARGE NURSEwas kind enough to let us stay the night, spooning on a too-small hospital bed and surviving off vending machine crisps and energy drinks.
I’m not sure that Alex really gets any sleep, though. Stress radiates off him in waves, to the point where I’m surprised the windows in this room haven’t shattered.
It’s gone ten in the morning when he wakes me up. Someone from the security team brought him an overnight bag, and he’schanged into more casual clothes: a black jacket and loose jeans that have no business looking that good. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
