“He’s very talented.”
She glances at the door, like she’s checking Alex is still on the phone. “I won’t last forever, Ophelia. These past few months, right as my mind is making a little progress, I can feel my body giving up on me.”
My swallow is thick, nostrils burning. “I know.”
“Josie is almost eight, Charlotte ten,” she says, like it’s something I might not know. “If I died tomorrow, Alex would …”
He’d be the only parent figure in their life. “I know.”
“I know raising children is not what anyone would want in a relationship at twenty-one.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to worry about that,” I reassure her. “The girls aren’t a hinderance. They’re a learning curve, maybe. An adjustment for me to make, coming from a tiny family. But I wouldn’t be with Alex if I was planning to run the second things get difficult.”
She gives me a watery smile, eyes conveying more gratitude than words ever could. But she has it wrong. It’s Alex who’s saving me, no matter how much it looks like the other way round from the outside. Every second that Alex keeps breathing is a promise of the happy ending I’d long given up on.
He’s the salve to the four-year-old ache in my chest. He’s the hope of a family. He’s complete and utter acceptance of me, as I am. No changes necessary.
Elise falls asleep to the backdrop of rhythmic beeps from the machines beside the bed. I stroke her hair and tell her about anything I can think of, doing a crossword aloud until Alex’s voice interrupts me.
“She loves you.”
I glance up, cheeks turning red. I hadn’t realized he was there. “I love her, too. Was your call okay?”
“Yeah, just boring.”
“I miss my mom,” I say, quietly. I don’t know why her and my dad are so heavy on my mind today. My mom cheated on my dad. She cheated on him with the wrong man, a heinous man.
But I miss her all the same.
“Does it ever not hurt?” he whispers, quiet enough that his mom can’t hear him.
I want Alex to have honesty from me, not theit’ll get easierthat everyone churns out on autopilot. “It always hurts. The shock of it, the unfairness. It’s ridiculous … like a movie you’ve seen a hundred times and yet you still think this time itmightend differently. Every day it’s like … maybe my dadwillbe flipping pancakes at the stove when I go downstairs, and all of this will have been some bad dream.”
His palm settles on my shoulder, gently rubbing the tense muscles there.
“It’s cliché, but it doesn’t get easier. You just get better at managing it. It doesn’t hurt any less, but the pain doesn’t scare me as much as it used to.”
When I tip my head back to see him, his smile is soft, grateful. “I can handle that.”
“I’ll be right there with you.”
He drops a kiss on my forehead. “Do you want to go back to my place? You can shower, eat a decent meal, sleep in my bed.”
“Who is home?”
“The girls will be home in the evening. And the housekeeper, the nannies, the chef, and the security guys.”
I do a terrible job of concealing the worry in my voice. “All six of them?”
His sigh tickles the top of my head. “Fleur will cool off.”
“She shouldn’t have to. Home is her safe space. I don’t want to infiltrate that and make her feel she can’t be there. Especially right now.”
His hands move to my hair, scratching my scalp in the way that he loves. “I’ll give her a call and ask her what she thinks of you staying over.”
I’d like that, but I keep my hopes down.
Chapter 21
