“So go to the ball with her.”
I am at the center of a media frenzy, and the talk of Sorrowsong’s dusty hallways. God knows how much more insufferable they’d all be if they knew I was here. “I can’t put her in the spotlight like that.”
Vincenzo looks like he might actually poke his eyes out with his thumbs. “More than she already is?”
Fair point.
He flings his hand into my peripheral vision, curling his fingers in a beckoning motion. “Go on. Next excuse. Let’s work our way through them.”
“I have a dinner hosted by the Minister of Aviation tomorrow.”
Vincenzo sucks a breath in through his teeth. “Alex.Listen to yourself.”
“What?”
“Green over personal life? Green over one of your eight people?”
I’m not sure if he means it as a harsh slap, but it lands like one. A cold bucket of reality over my head.
When I flick my gaze up to the rearview mirror, it’s my father’s eyes that glare back at me. I glance away and run my hand over my jaw, over the day-old stubble there. “If she rejects me again … that’ll be it.” And I’ll be a fucking mess.
“And if you walk away, that’ll be it.Oh my god.It’s like your brain has turned to mush in there. Should you even be driving if you can’t even form a rational thought?”
Finally, I turn us onto a road that at leastlookslike a road. “Fuck you, man.”
“She’s borrowing a dress from Colette.”
Fuck.
“Pretty sure she said it’s backless.”
Fuck!
“Ask her to be your date, Vinnie, and it’ll be the last thing you ever do.”
Chapter 7
OPHELIA
The list of stupid things I’ve done in my life is probably long enough to wrap around the perimeter of the castle twice, but telling Alex to walk away felt like it should go somewhere near the top.
But if feeling stupid is the price to pay for shielding my heart from a final, damaging blow, then I’ll do it.
The pain in his eyes when I was turning away is burned into my soul. I felt like I was watching him give up. Not just on us, but on everything.
I asked Colette to send Vincenzo to find him, hoping he’d be able to convince him everything will be okay. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t call anyone when he’s at his lowest.
It’s so cliché, plucked from the top comment of any relationship advice thread on the internet, but Alex and I have a long way to go in terms of self-acceptance before we can try again. I think we’re too damaged to fully trust, fully open up to anyone.
I draw my knees up to my chest where I sit at the back of the minibus, the AirPods he got me in my ears. We’re most of the way through the drive back from a meet in Manchester, and while the silver medal in my bag was enough to make Belladonna want to drown me, I think it’s my proudest achievement here.
Belladonna took gold for backstroke; I took silver for the four hundred medley. Colette came in sixth, but she seems pretty happy.
The bus is quiet now. Illuminated only by blue striplights along the floor and the dim streetlamps on the dark road outside.
My parents would lose their minds if they knew I’d gotten a medal at such a big tournament.Who knew it, Dad, exercising actually works.
My phone pings, and I wonder how long it’ll take before that sound doesn’t fill me with dread.
