Fuck. She’s right. I’m not setting a good example for her. “I’m scared,” I whisper, finally admitting it out loud. “Scared I’ll lose her all over again, scared I won’t recover from it.”
“Love is maddening, Alex. It’s sickening, frightening, embarrassing, depressing. It turns us into the people we swore we’d never be. When I first held you in my arms, I felt terrified. I felt like my heart was walking outside of my body, and I’d have to send that heart to school, to football practice, to Vincenzo’s house, and trust it would come home to me safely. If you’re not absolutely terrified, you’re not doing it right.”
“But we’d have to be long distance, and if she gets hurt and I’m not able to get to her, I’ll lose my mind.”
“You haven’t proved to her that you can manage long distance very well. She’s probably worried you’ll run if something bad comes up again. You need to win her over. We want you to be happy. We want you to choose yourself, to go to her. You don’t have to drop everything and run to us all the time. We have staff to help.”
Her fingers tangle in my hair, and ohGod, I can’t imagine how I’ll survive my mother’s death when it comes.
“Back in five,” I grumble, through the stinging behind my eyes,leaving my mother’s triumphant smile behind to step into the hallway.
“If I had any updates, I’d have called you,” Brendan grunts, picking up on the first ring.
“I need a favor.”
“Is it legal?”
“No, probably not.”
“Color me intrigued. Is it a hacking job?”
“There’s an event in London that’s sold out. I want everyone’s tickets refunded, canceled, then I want all the tickets for myself.”
“How big are we talking? If this is a concert, you’ll never get away with it.”
“It’s small. It’s … Ophelia is … don’t worry about what it is, I’m sending you a link now.”
He’s silent on the other end of the line, but I can imagine him shoving his too-thick glasses up his nose, leaning in.
He hums cheerfully. “Man, this is a shit website. Yeah, easy enough.”
“Thanks. Bill me for it now.”
“On the house.”
“Not your usual style.”
“Yeah, but you need a girlfriend, and I’m a hopeless romantic.”
This is news to me. I don’t think he’s ever been on a date in his life. “Are you?”
“Nah. Just sick of your shitty moods. I’ll text you when it’s done. Bye.”
The line drops before I can say goodbye. I text my team to tell them I’ll be in London for a couple of nights, then call the housekeeper, nannies, and security team, too.
My mother is asleep when I get back to the room, and she looks so peaceful that I don’t dare wake her. I text the sibling group chat.
Alex
I’m heading to London overnight tonight. I’ll be back as soon as possible. Ingrid, Erin, and Emily will all be with you, and the security guys, obviously.
Evie
What’s in London?
Mia
Does it rhyme with schmophelia?
