“I’m broken,” Claire whispered.
Mariana examined her. “Where?”
“My brain,” Claire said. “I... lose it. Sometimes. My thoughts grab me and won’t let go. Sometimes I spiral down so fast that I plummet. Sometimes darkness eats me whole, and I can’t stop it no matter how hard I try.”
“Okay, so you lose it. Have you found it for now?” Reyva asked. “Because we have to move.”
“Reyva...,” Mariana began.
“He didn’t come down the cliff, but he could be finding a way around,” Reyva said. “Wish he’d fall and break his neck.”
“His father just died,” Mariana scolded.
“And he held a knife to Claire’s throat,” Reyva said, moving to stand. Mariana scooted to one side of her, but Reyva shook her off as she got to her feet on her own. “Help Claire.”
Claire didn’t need help, but she let Mariana brace her as she stood. “I’m okay now,” she said. The can’t-breathe sensation had passed. She could take a full breath. Her chest ached, and her muscles felt drained, but she wasn’t going to black out again. “I’ll be fine.”
“Let’s go,” Reyva said.
Holding on to one another, they shuffled and stumbled away from the cliff. Claire sent frequent glances behind them but didn’t see any hint of Jack.
Maybe he’d given up.
Or maybe he’d be after them again.
He’s going to catch us, she thought.He’s going to kill us.Weakened from the fall, they wouldn’t be able to stop him. She didn’t think she could run again, and she knew Reyva shouldn’t. They kept going for as long as they could, hobbling deeper into the forest as the rain pummeled the trees, the ground, and them.
An unending litany ran through her head as she stumbled along:You’re useless, you’re pathetic, you’re weak, and now they know. They’ve seen, and they’ll never unsee. You’ve lost your friends. You’ve ruined everything...Still, though, it was Claire who judged they had enough distance from the cliff, and it was Claire who found them a place to hide. Scanning the area, she spotted the decaying husk of the trunk of an enormous old tree. Half its side and innards were eroded away. She guided the others to it, and they all ducked inside.
Snug, it was at least drier inside, out of the steady pounding rain. The drops hit the forest so loud it sounded like fists on flesh. Shuddering, Reyva leaned back against the crumbling wood.
Eventually, the rain slowed.
One plus of the rain was that it had certainly wiped away all their tracks. If Jack had tried to follow them, they wouldn’t have left any traces.We’re safe here, Claire thought.For now.
And she breathed.
She couldn’t look at the others. They’d seen her break down at the worst possible moment. It was sheer luck that Jack hadn’t found them while she’d been falling apart. Sheer luck they weren’t all dead because of her.
They can’t trust me, Claire thought.I can’t trust me.
She was a mess, and she always made everything worse. Who would want to be friends with anyone like that? It was no wonder she spent most of her time alone. It was better that way, for everyone.
She waited for one of them to speak, to ask her what had happened, to tell her how she’d failed them exactly when they needed her to keep it together. Lifting her eyes, Claire looked for the blame or, worse, pity in their faces. But they still weren’t looking at her; they were gazing out at the rain-choked forest, watching for Jack, or rescue, or yet another surprise.
“I’m sorry,” Claire said to their backs.
“Yeah, you said that already,” Reyva said. “You’re okay now, right?”
“Sure, it’s passed now, but—” But it could happen again. And it shouldn’t have happened at all. Neither Reyva nor Marianahad freaked out. There was no excuse for Claire not to be able to hold it together, for the sake of her friends, at least until they were safely away.
“Don’t apologize again,” Reyva said.
Biting her lip, she managed not to.I’m sorry, she thought.I should have warned you. I should have recognized the signs. I should have been able to stop myself. I should have been strong enough.
“One of you is going to need to splint my wrist,” Reyva said. “Every time I so much as twitch it feels like a steel rod is being rammed through my arm. You need to immobilize it.”
Mariana nodded. “We can do that. Right, Claire?”
