“I don’t understand.”What’s the punchline?I fiddle with my necklace to give my hands something to do, and my knees start to bob again with nervous energy.
“There isn’t always a ‘but’, Til.”
There isn’t? My experience begs to differ.
The hand on my knee starts to slowly rub up and down my thigh, so I’m now confusedandaroused. Thankfully, his big hands move to my neck, one sliding into my hair and one moving up to cradle my face, his thumb stroking my cheek.
“I really like you. A lot. Truth be told, I’ve always liked you,but I’ve only let myself show it over the last few weeks. You have no idea how good it feels to finally be able to look after you, hold you, be the one who makes you smile… I’ve been trying to do it all as your friend, to give you space to heal, and I can keep being your friend if that’s what you want. But I would love to be more than that to you because you’re already more than that to me. You have been for years.”
I’m speechless. This is not what I was expecting at all, and I’m completely unprepared for it. Regardless, I find my hands moving to rest on his forearms, his hands still holding onto me firmly.
“I know things are up in the air for you right now and you’re probably not in the right headspace to think about this, but I couldn’t wait any longer to tell you how I feel. I’ve waited long enough, and I nearly lost you to that prick again because of it. I won’t risk you moving on to someone else without you knowing how deeply I am in love with you.”
Connor’s eyes never leave mine for the duration of his speech. I focus on his irises as I breathe, trying not to pass out. I study every fleck of black and each shade of brown so intently, I’m sure I could draw them perfectly from memory. I try to speak but can’t form a complete thought. The look on Connor’s face morphs from adoration to embarrassment and dejection.
“I don’t expect you to say you love me just because I did, I just wanted you to know. And if you don’t feel that way about me at all, I still want to be friends. I don’t want to lose you from my life. I’ll take you in whatever form I can have you.”
His fingers curl against my scalp, and he eventually looks down, avoiding my eyes. He thinks I’m going to reject him. My heart breaks for him, and I would do anything to bring back that hopeful, loving look he was giving me just moments ago.
“I really like you too.” Connor jerks his head up to look at me, tears lining his eyes. And there’s that look I was hoping wouldreturn. “And although I’m not in the right place to be able to say it yet, I don’t think it will take long for me to fall in love with you. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, and I want to face everything that comes next with you holding my hand.”
He presses his forehead against mine. “You’ll give us a try?”
His whisper sends chills down my spine.
“I’ll make you happy, I promise. I’d do anything for you, Tilly.”
“I know. I trust you.”
The side of Connor’s mouth pulls up in a relieved smile, and my heart races faster than ever at being the cause of it. Connor’s eyes are fixed on mine. They flick down to my lips, which are slightly parted as I try to get my breathing under control. Before I have the chance, Connor’s mouth is on mine in a soft but burning kiss. I feel his love and desire in every movement of his lips, simultaneously making my head spin and my pants wet.
Connor starts to pull away, but I’m not ready for the kiss to end. Just as his lips separate from mine, I fist his shirt and pull him closer, slamming our mouths together again. At first, Connor stills in surprise, but he soon relaxes into it when I run my tongue along the seam of his mouth. He groans and parts his lips, letting our tongues meet. The kiss only lasts seconds, but it was easily the best kiss of my life. There have been good kisses with Rhys, kisses that cheered me up, kisses that got me in the mood, but none that made me feel so wanted and cherished. This kiss doesn’t feel like a performance or pressure. It feels like home.
Both slightly breathless, and more than a little flushed, Connor and I sit looking at each other in a post-kiss daze. A chilly sea breeze creeps over the beach, and Connor lifts his arm for me to snuggle into, which I do as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. I lay my head on his chest as his fingers trace lazy shapes on my arm.
“Does this mean I can finally call you mine?” Connor asks me quietly.
I smile. This man might just be the sweetest human on the planet. “Only if I can call you mine?” I answer coyly.
“Baby, I’ve always been yours.”
Chapter 30
Only with you
Connor and I decide that our meal tonight will be our official first date. Since making that decision on the beach, my anxiety has tripled. Before, we were just two friends eating a meal. Now, it’s so much more. The pressure for it to go well is pressing down on me as I try to decide what to wear. Standing in front of the wardrobe, staring at my clothes for ten minutes hasn’t helped; I was really hoping an outfit would magically jump out at me, but it hasn’t happened yet. It doesn’t help that Connor’s in the room with me, sitting six feet away from me on the bed. I can feel him watching me, his gaze burning a hole in the back of my head.
“Are you going to choose something?” he asks, chuckling to himself.
Bastard. He’ll just throw on any old shirt and jeans and look mouth-watering. I could have a whole team of professionals here for hours and I’d still look like a dog’s dinner.
“I can’t decide!” I run my hands along the small selection of clothes hanging in front of me and sigh. “If I’d known I wasgoing on a date, I would have packed something more suitable.”
“What difference does it make?”
I turn my head and playfully scowl at him over my shoulder. “Well, I’m going as your date now, not your friend, so I want to impress you.”
It’s going to take more than a posh outfit to look good enough.
