“You’re really here?” he asks, kissing his way to my collarbone.
“I’m here.” My back arches under his touch as his hands skim down my body, resting on my waist.
“And you’ll stay?” His lips trace their way back up the other side of my neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. When he reaches my face, he stops and looks me in the eye. “Don’t say yes just because it’s what I want to hear. Say yes because you want to live, because you want us to have a life together. Say yes because you want to get through this.”
“I want to stay.” And I truly do. This was never about me wanting to die. Maybe I jumped to that solution a little prematurely. Maybe there are other ways of solving problems, even if it seems hopeless at the time.
“I’ll stay.” I take his face in my hands, my fingertipsthreading into his soft hair. I want his full attention. I want there to be no ambiguity. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought staying around would ruin your life, and I couldn’t bear to do that.”
Connor winces at my words, but I plough through. If I don’t do it now, I don’t think I’ll pluck up the courage to do it again.
“But I’m starting to see that it wasn’t necessarily me ruining your life, just a set of unfortunate circumstances making things more difficult than they should be. But I won’t be put off by things being difficult anymore, because the reward for pushing through it is so worth it. Living my life with you is worth it. So I’ll stay.”
Connor’s eyes have misted over, and maybe mine have too. I blame the blanket fort for making me emotional. Connor gives me a small but genuine smile and leans towards me once again. This time, his kisses are anything but gentle, and I don’t want them to be. We both need to be reminded that we’re here, we’re together and nothing can come between us.
I roll onto my back, pulling Connor with me. We both greedily grab at each other, desperate for any bit of contact. His hand grips my thigh, my hand clutches his bicep. He kisses behind my ear, I run my hand under his T-shirt. When he starts to pull up my top, I force myself to relax, despite the warning sirens sounding in my head at him seeing my body.He loves me, I remind myself.He doesn’t mind that I’m not perfect.
Connor continues to kiss me hard as he reaches under my top and toys with the lace of my bra, giving me time to stop him if I want to. But I don’t want to. Acting much braver than I feel, I push against his shoulder so he’s kneeling in front of me and I have space to sit up. Ignoring the voice screaming in my head about not showing my belly rolls, I grip the hem of my sweatshirt and pull it over my head, taking my T-shirt with it. I feel self-conscious until I see the awed look on Connor’s face as he looks from my chest to my face.
Leaning back on my hands, I bite my lip and look away, still embarrassed to be seen like this. But there’s no time to be coy. Connor reaches behind me and unclasps my bra, then helps me out of the straps. My arms instinctively move to cover my chest, but Connor pulls them away and pins them behind my back. It doesn’t hurt – the way it stretches is actually turning me on – but I feel exposed having my chest pushed out and nowhere to hide.
“Don’t hide from me,” Connor commands, his voice deeper than usual.
I find myself rubbing my thighs together at his tone. Turns out I like Bossy Connor.
“You’re beautiful, and you’re mine. I want to be able to see all of you. I want to watch your every reaction. Now, if I let your arms go, are you going to try to cover yourself again, or are you going to behave?”
I swallow and try to ignore the wetness gathering between my legs at his words. “I’ll behave,” I say quietly, an excited tremble to my voice.
The side of Connor’s mouth quirks up, and he eases me back down onto the blankets, moving my hands so they’re resting above my head.
“Don’t move those hands.” He releases his grip on my wrists, and I leave my arms where he put them. He drags his fingers down my chest, catching my aching nipples along the way but not stopping to pay them the attention they want.
“Such a good girl.”
My cheeks heat and part of me considers protesting his praise, but the desperately people-pleasing woman in me craves his approval more.
My arms twitch, desperate to move and touch him, but Ileave them where they are, knowing I’m pleasing him. Connor cups one of my breasts, his mouth teasing the other, and my back lifts from the floor in ecstasy. He groans when he switches sides, licking and sucking at my sensitive skin until I’m a writhing mess beneath him.
After a deliciously long time, Connor sits up and pulls his own top over his head. Unashamed, I watch as each inch of skin appears, appreciating every muscle and line. My eyes wander down to where a smattering of dark hair disappears into his sweatpants, and I can’t help but rub my still-clothed crotch against his leg.
“So impatient,” Connor says once he realises what I’m doing. “Don’t worry, baby, I’m going to take care of you.”
I lift my hips to help him pull my leggings and knickers down, and they disappear through the opening to the fort. Connor kisses me again, and I feel his hand guiding my legs to open further, then travelling up the inside of my thigh. He practically growls when he feels how wet I am, and I whimper when he runs a finger along my opening. There’s no time for me to think before he plunges a finger inside me, curling upwards and making me see stars. I moan into his mouth as he adds a second finger and starts to pump them in and out, making sure to catch the spot I love with each thrust.
We’re both panting hard now, but we continue to kiss regardless. Connor’s fingers start to build momentum, and it almost becomes too much when he starts to circle my clit with his thumb.
“Connor…” I moan.
“Let it happen, Tilly,” he soothes, placing more kisses on my throat. “Come for me.”
As if on cue, my orgasm crashes over me. I’m not sure if Connor could tell I was close or if it’s my body responding to his command – I can overthink that later. But I do know I callConnor’s name embarrassingly loudly when it hits me, and my whole body convulses forcefully. Connor continues to stroke me through the after-shocks and kisses me sweetly until I no longer feel like I’m spinning.
“You’re so sexy when you come,” he says so genuinely I’m tempted to believe him. “I can’t believe you’re finally mine.”
I’m still slightly breathless. “I can’t believe it took us so long.”
“Let’s not wait any longer.”
