“Okay then, come here.” He glided closer to me, his hands on my knees. “Wrap your arms and legs around me.” It seemed totally ridiculous. I’d weigh him down and we’d drown,but his smile was so endearing, and his arms felt strong and sure.
So, I did.
He carried me like a backpack, and I didn’t even know how he got us over to the shallow end—probably because I had my eyes squeezed shut. “Now let’s go back.” Eric started swimming away from me.
“What?”
“You can’t be scared of the deep end now. That’s where you started.” I managed a very impressive doggie paddle back to the deep end bench. “That was swimming!” Eric’s smile was infectious.
“Barely.”
“You got from point A to point B in water on your own. It’s a win.”
At this point, most of the pool had emptied. Lilli and Chris were a vivacious display of queer joy. They looked almost conspiratorial, whispering in each other’s ears, unable to stop touching each other, their hands intertwined. Lilli had her free hand on their joined hands, Chris’s free hand gingerly caressing Lilli’s arm. The tension was palpable.
It was weird how Eric and I already felt so comfortable with each other. Since I told him I wanted to wait to have sex, he hadn’t pushed me, had given me a respectful gap to the constant touching. One thing leads to another, after all. I looked back over at Chris and Lilli, and they were straight up making out… with tongue.
“They’re having a good time,” I joked to Eric.
“I am too,” he told me, giving my hand a squeeze as he sat next to me in the water. We were weightless, my head on his shoulder as the sun set behind the trees.
“We’re going to drive around,” Chris called out to us.
I gave Lilli a look, making sure she was okay, but she just had stars in her eyes.
When they left, Eric and I were the only ones left at the pool as we made our way into the spa. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” I said, playing dumb as he gave me a look. “Well, there are a lot of things you could be referring to. Late-stage capitalism and consumerism in a dying world. The finals performances coming up. The other night. The fact that Lilli and I are leaving tomorrow.”
“Let’s ignore that last one.”
I shrugged. “I want to ignore all of them.”
“So let’s talk about something good.”
“Capitalism isn’t doing it for you?”
“Not tonight, sorry,” he laughed, and it made my heart putter. “What are you looking forward to?”
The question caught me off guard. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was make music and sing to crowds who can relate to it.”
“Not the fame and Tonight Show interviews?”
I laughed. “Hey, I’d love to be on a show. They seem fun.”
“Is that what you’re aiming for?” he asked.
“Not really aiming for it, since it’s not something I can control. It’s on the bucket list of things I’d like to do before I die, though.”
He looked up at the sky, and I couldn’t help but wonder if his dad had a bucket list, if they made it through any of those items together. What do you do when your bucket list is full of things out of your control?
25 – Eric – Then
When I got an e-mail from the judges' committee, I was nervous. A lot of work had gone into getting my short film ready for an audience, but it wasn’t what I would consider my best work.
I saw the e-mail as I was walking out of the hotel after the pool party. Connie had gone up to her room, and even though I had wanted to spend another night with her, I wanted to go home. I needed to check on my cat, and I really needed some clean clothes. I’d feel better once I had a shower with my usual products. I didn’t know a lot about it, but I took pride in my appearance, and I wanted to maintain healthy hair and skin.
I left the e-mail unread for the entire drive home. I pondered what it would say while I double shampooed my hair. If I was in the finals, it meant my short film would be presented to everyone again. That would be cool.
