Can he just hold me again?
“You never should have been anywhere near him.”
“You don’t get to say that.” I’m bitter, and maybe it’s unfair, but right now, I don’t give a shit.
“Why not?” Eric’s anger is bubbling up. “Because you don’t want to hear the truth?”
“Stop,” I try to sound commanding, but my voice is weak, my mouth dry, and I hate it.
Eric doesn’t notice—he’s boiling over. “Because you want to settle for a jerk like Michael Soren?” I rub my temples; maybe he’ll run out of steam on his own. “You can have any guy you want!”
This time, it’s my turn to yell. “I know that!”
“Do you?” He marches towards me; not in threat, but with purpose. “What is it, then? The bad boy thing? Sure,Stardust, he’s hot, but I don’t give a fuck. Nobody gets to talk to you like that.”
I scoff. “You’ve sure got a lot of opinions now. Where, I wonder, was all this concern for me the last five years?”
Eric straightens slightly but doesn’t quite take a step back. “What do you mean?”
Seriously? The nerve. “You told me to go!” I can’t believe I have to spell this out for him.
“You told me you were dating other people! That a dancer chick had asked you out repeatedly and you were considering it!”
“Eric, I wanted you to tell me not to go! To tell me to stay home and Facetime you or something. I wanted you to fight for me!”
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“I wanted you to define the relationship!” I groan and start pacing, looking anywhere but at him. “If you wanted me like I thought you did, then we would’ve laughed about it. Instead, you sent me off and told me to have a good time.”
“You went because you wanted to go, Connie. I didn’t make you.”
“Because you broke my heart!” I didn’t mean to say that, but it’s out there now. “Because you didn’t even try to fight for me. One week together, and you shattered me. I never would’ve believed I could be so fragile.”
“Do you think I liked hurting you? You, my radiant, constant star…”
“Don’t.” I hold an arm out to keep him from coming closer.
He groans. “I knew you deserved so much better than me. I got home from the retreat to the apartment I was still sharing with my ex. I had to find a new place to live and a betterjob and figure life out all over again. That week with you was magic, but I had to focus on real life.”
My voice is quiet again. “It was real to me.”
“Of course it was real Connie,” he sighs.
“But clearly, it didn’t matter,” I say. “I didn’t matter. I understand, Eric. I understand that you had very important things to take care of. I understand that you were under immense stress and pressure. I’d even understand if our week at the retreat was just an exciting distraction for you. I always understand, but that does not change how it hurt me, howyouhurt me. It still hurts, because you gave me hope, and I thought we both respected each other enough to be honest. Still, even then—hell, even now—I understand why you weren’t, and I hate that I can’t let myself hate you for it.”
I’m right in his face, and I can see straight into his eyes, the hurt there, the same hurt he sees in mine. He’s so close, and those eyes…
He’s so close to me that our noses bump slightly, but neither of us turn away or step back. I want to touch his face, and it’s like he feels my want radiating from me, because Eric’s mouth is on mine in an instant.
It’s a lustful and hungry kind of kiss, open mouthed, as if we need to devour each other in this moment. His hands grip me, one on my lower back, the other cupping my ass. My arms have wrapped around his neck, one hand clawing up his neck and into his hair.
“Fuck.” He takes a step back. “I have so many things I want to say to you.”
My chest heaves as I stare at him. “Say them, then.”
He looks at me with those pleading puppy eyes. “First, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I just blew up like that. I was so scared when they said you were in danger, and then not being able to do anything about it… I’m just so glad you’re safe.
“Second, you are fucking amazing. You did a great job tonight, and I don’t want to let that go. We should be celebrating.
