Page 23 of Before I Lost You

I want to drown in those depths. I want to never come back up. I want—

“You made it,” Kenneth says with a grin, eyes sparkling as if he’s happy.Ishe happy? Is this what that emotion looks like on his perfect face? “Didn’t think you would.”

“I, uh—” I can feel my cheeks heating as I stammer. “Really wanted to see the sunset.”

Kenneth smirks. “So you didn’t want to see me? I’m wounded.”

“Sure you are.” I roll my eyes. “You’ve been dying to see me so badly, you didn’t even talk to me for three days.”

“Have you been counting the hours?”

“Would it make a difference?” I snap, and he chuckles.

“I guess not,” he says with a frown, looking ashamed of himself.

“Are you going to apologize, Kenneth?” I ask tersely, and I know I’m being bitchy, but I can’t even help it.

Ken flinches, and I let out a long exhale, trying to calm down. His eyes are full of pain when he looks at me, and he brushes his thumb under my eye as he cups my cheek. The touch is so soft it’s barely there, but I feel it. I feel everything he does.

“Did you lose sleep over this?” he asks as he brushes his thumb under my eye again, and I know he’s referring to the dark circles underneath.

I huff. “I’m leaving.” I can’t believe him.

Ken’s hand tightens on my face, and he grabs my hip, trying to get me to stay. “I’m so sorry, Conrad.”

“Why are you sorry?” I ask stubbornly through gritted teeth.

His eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry for ghosting you.”

I nod slowly. “Why did you ghost me?”

“Because I’m scared?”

“Of what?” I look into his eyes, at the tears that won’t fall.

“I don’t know,” he lies, but I let it slide for now.

“Then why come back?”

“Because I can’t stay away from you,” he replies, getting closer, pressing his nose to my neck and breathing me in. “I want you.”

I stay silent, closing my eyes as I feel his nose trailing up my neck, and then he presses a soft kiss to the side of it. “I—”

But I don’t finish.

I don’t know what to say.

Ken steps back and looks at me. “Thank you for coming. I’m glad you’re here.”

I don’t even know what to say, so I just stare at him for a long moment while I gather my thoughts. But before I can think of a clever reply, he raises his camera and snaps a picture of me.

My jaw drops. “Did you just take a picture of me?”

“You’re gorgeous,” he says, coming closer once more until his body is flush with mine. He’s using it against me, I know he is. He’s aware of my weakness when it comes to him. I can’t quite resist him. He’s a weapon right now, and I know I don’t stand a chance at survival. “Your green eyes darken in the sun instead of growing lighter. Did you know that?”

I shake my head.

“They’re the color of pine trees. A forest. Absolutely hypnotizing,” he breathes against my ear. “You look so handsome, Conrad.”