thirty-nine
Weeks ago, Isabella would have been exhausted by the preparations of such a grand ball. Instead, thanks to Anthony’s love and her work in the garden, she was excited and full of energy when the ball began.
She walked through the crowded room, smiling and nodding at her guests. Some of the guests’ smiles might be fake, but she didn’t care. Anthony loved her, and with him by her side, she would face anything.
The room couldn’t be more different from the one in Gloucester House. The large windows and pots of flowers made it look wider than it was, and the scent of wild jasmine was a feast for the senses.
She paused when she spotted Helen standing alone on the balcony in a dark corner.
“Helen.” She closed the French window behind her, cutting off the sound of the music and the chatter. “What is it?”
Helen wiped a tear quickly. “Nothing.”
“It can’t be nothing. You love balls, and the room is full of eligible gentlemen. I’m surprised you’re hiding here in the dark.”
“You’ll be angry with me.”
“Tell me everything.”
Helen shivered and took a few deep breaths before answering. “I failed.”
“At what?”
“I had one job, marry the duke, and I wasn’t good enough for him. I did everything Mother asked me, but he didn’t like me.”
Isabella was puzzled. “You didn’t fail. You and Anthony weren’t meant for one another. That’s all.”
“It’s that I saw you here in this beautiful house with Anthony, and I couldn’t help but think it could have been me.” Her whispered words were like a slap.
“You weren’t interested in Anthony after his incident, and you’ve never cared about him. You were only interested in his title, and you have many suitors to choose from.”
“You weren’t interested in Anthony, either.” Helen heaved a sigh. “I read the letter you wrote to Patrick. I know about your affair with him and your child.”
Another moment of stillness went through her. “I was with Patrick only once, but I don’t understand what my miscarriage has to do with anything.”
“You married Anthony only to hide your pregnancy. You didn’t like him, but you married him to cover your lies. While I did everything to please him…” Helen pressed her lips together.
An echo of the guilt struck Isabella. “Yes, I married Anthony in a moment of need, but do not think, not for one moment, that I don’t love him. I love him very dearly, and he loves me. Our marriage started with deceit, but trust me, I’m aware of how lucky I am, and I much appreciate everything I have. You don’t have to be jealous of Anthony.”
Helen sat down slowly on the bench as if moving were an effort for her. “I’m not jealous of Anthony. It’s you.” Her words were barely audible.
“Me?” She huffed. “You’re jealous of me?”
Helen took her time to answer. “You’ve always done what you wanted, enjoying every moment, while Mother expected me to be quiet and always do as I was told. I’ve never had the courage to pursue my own desires or talk back to Mother, as you have. I wish I were more like you.”
Shock silenced Isabella. The idea Helen had been envious of her all that time was ludicrous. Helen had received nothing but praise from their parents, tutors, governess…everyone.
“I know my own weakness isn’t an excuse,” Helen said. “I should have been more determined, but I constantly felt the pressure of being perfect in everything.”
“Have you been unhappy all this time?”
Helen swallowed a couple of times. “I wouldn’t say unhappy. That wouldn’t be fair to our parents, but I was overwhelmed. And seeing you so happy and free…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know it’s awful of me.”
Isabella did awful things too, and the signs of Helen’s unhappiness had been there, but she’d been too busy with her own drama to take note of them.
She sat on the edge of the bench next to her sister. “I had no idea you felt that way. I thought you wanted to marry a duke, not just because Mother urged you to.”
Helen gave a little shrug. “I wouldn’t mind marrying a duke, but I don’t want to be forced to.” A sob shook her. “I’m sorry my selfishness hurt you.”
