thirteen
As Samuel walked back home from the park, Vivienne’s singing and his first glass of lemonade filled his thoughts. Feeling again the glimmer of joy would be his mission. He clutched it with desperation because he didn’t want another moment of panic to overwhelm him, especially in front of Vivienne.
The wind picked up speed, and a torn piece of a poster rolled over his shoe. A drawing of his wild face appeared ripped in half. The wordsdangerousandrewardwere still legible.
He didn’t recognise the angry, wide-eyed man staring at him with his teeth bared and his only visible eye narrowed. Yet he’d been Lion Boy for years. Lion Boy was his past and part of him.
The captain stopped walking a few yards in front of him. “Is something the matter?”
Vivienne picked up the piece of paper and studied it. Her pinched expression radiated sorrow. “It’s over. This isn’t who you are. You’ve never been Lion Boy. It was a lie.” She crumpled the piece of paper and lobbed it to a corner. “You have a new beginning in front of you.”
Which was scary—in a way, scarier than a cage.
For the rest of the walk, his breathing remained normal even when a man on a bicycle raced past him or when a couple of police constables tipped their hats at Vivienne and Dobkins. Controlling his rising emotions required all his energy.
“We’re almost at the captain’s flat,” Vivienne said.
Fatigue rode him hard by the time he entered the flat, glad to be in a closed space. He was about to sit on a chair but stopped, remembering the captain had told him not to sit when standing ladies were present.
Vivienne waved him down. “Do not worry. You must be tired.”
“Yes.”
“And we must go,” Dobkins said. “We’ll come back as soon as we can.”
“Likely the day after tomorrow, but please keep practising.” Vivienne walked over to him. “I’m very proud of you. You’re a brilliant, brave man. We’ll help you get happy memories.”
He couldn’t sign any words, not even a ‘thank you.’ She held his hand between hers for a moment before releasing it, and yet he didn’t thank her.
After they left, he sat at the table and flipped through his notes on the latest mathematics lesson he’d studied to better understand measurements.
“What bothers you?” Captain Jackson took out a stick of liquorice. Since he’d decided to give up whisky, he’d replaced the liquor with the strong taste of liquorice. “I have to see a patient, but I have time if you want to talk.”
“I think I need a cage to feel safe.” He moved his fingers as little as possible as if he were whispering.
“Cages trick you. They give you enough safety to make you scared of freedom. But there’s safety in freedom as well.” The captain handed him a liquorice stick. “Opportunities and choices mean safety.”
He munched on the stick, just bitter enough to be pleasant.
They shared another stick until the captain picked up his leather bag. “I’d better go now before I start losing patients again.”
“I’m proud of you, too.”
The captain flashed a rueful grin. “It’s too early to be proud of me. I’ve just started taking care of sick people again. I’m still lost in the woods.” He donned his hat and left.
Finding the right path in the woods was more difficult than learning sign language.
Samuel sat in front of the window to watch the bustle in the street, and he wondered if Lion Boy would ever leave him alone.
Mathematics,history, geography…Vivienne had taught Samuel the basics of each subject but she knew music and poetry deserved to be talked about as well.
She selected a book of songs and another of poetry to bring to him for their afternoon meeting. Or maybe she shouldn’t mention singing since he couldn’t sing. He could learn to play an instrument if he wanted to. They surely had time to expand his cultural horizons.
She rushed down the stairs to the hallway, where Dobkins helped her don her coat, and they were about to leave the house when Mother came out of the parlour.
“Out again? You’re spending a lot of time outside.” Mother eyed Vivienne’s satchel.
“I’m going to the park with Dobkins. Would you like to come with us?” She regretted playing on Mother’s feelings.
