“I went to the hospital. Then I just drove around.”
I motioned for Cole to sit back down, and the bassist complied, his gaze bouncing between Abel and me.
“You wanna tell us what the hell is going on?” I asked, keeping my own temper in check.
The lead singer sighed and sat back up, his hands clasped together on his knees. Then, he told us about the fan. He repeated every cruel thing she uttered while his eyes stayed fixed on the ground.
“When I got home after the show, I spent all night thinking about what she said. How can we just replace him like that? He was our bandmate, our brother, my—”
He looked up at me for a brief second before he slammed his eyes shut.
“Your what?” Silas asked gently.
Abel shook his head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try us,” I urged him, sensing he was holding back something big. Why else would he take the words of an insane fan to heart like this?
“I loved him,” Abel said, as if that changed anything.
“We all loved him,” I said.
“No. Ilovedhim.”
Comprehension spread across Silas’s face. Cole tented his hands in front of his lips, shocked.
“You were together?” Silas asked, his voice careful.
“Sometimes,” Abel admitted. The air in the room was still. For the first time in as long as I could remember, none of us knew what to say. I leaned back into the couch and let out a breath. How did we not know this?
Our lead singer studied us, tense. “Charlie knew me better than anyone,” he began. “We both came from fucked-up families, abandoned as kids, jaded as adults, and pissed at the whole goddamn world. We were the same. I thought, who else could better understand me than a guy who was just like me? He knew the dirty, ugly things I’ve survived, and instead of recoiling, he dived right in. Somewhere along the lines, I developed feelings for him.”
My heart ached for Abel as my mind travelled back in time to sort through various memories that were suddenly colored in a different light. There’d been clues to how he felt, but we’d always been comfortable with each other, affectionate even. The looks and touches between him and Charlie had never stood out. I thought of the lyrics to the song he’d written with Adeline—another clue we hadn’t picked up on.
“Charlie never showed himself to me the way I did to him,” Abel continued. “I never knew where I stood with him, and that feeling only intensified when he found out I was interested in him romantically. The songs on this new album? He wrung them out of me by manipulating my emotions, the highs and the lows acting as fuel and inspiration to our sessions that went on for days.”
“Dude, why didn’t you say anything to us earlier?” Cole asked, moving to sit beside the singer and putting an arm around him. “We could have been there for you.”
Abel let out a tired breath. “I knew things were fucked up between us. I didn’t want you to know about us because I was ashamed of how he acted toward me. Of how he could reject me so easily, only to invite me into his bed the next day. I don’t even know if I like men other than him. It just felt like too big of a mess to try to wade through, so I kept my mouth shut.”
Abel rubbed his eyes. I’d never seen the singer raw like this. “And I’m not the best at communication, if you haven’t noticed yet.”
That earned a gruff chuckle from Silas.
“How did the fan know about you two?” I asked, trying to fill in the remaining missing pieces.
“I’ve spent the past few hours trying to figure that out,” he said. “The only thing I can think of is…” he trailed off, glancing at Cole. “Amy walked in on us once, three years ago, when she was still with Cole.”
The bassist’s expression darkened at the mention of his ex-fiancée.
“She caught us making out on the bus and swore not to say a word,” Abel continued. “She didn’t have any evidence, but you know how rumors like that can blow up on the message boards. Especially, when it comes to shit like this.”
After Cole’s breakup, our manager had told us he suspected Amy was spreading information about the band on various forums. To fuck with us or to find some angle where she’d get paid? We’d never given enough of a shit to find out. Unsubstantiated rumors about us popped up online all the time. Usually, they’d disappear without any intervention on our part.
Cole’s face was pale. “Damn it. I’m sorry, Abel,” he said, shaking his head.
The singer waved him off. “It’s done.”
“But we’re not done,” Silas said. “Abel, I was so pissed at you, but I get it now. The fan hit you right where it hurt. But nothing she said is near enough to change our plans.”
