I swallowed. He was fiddling with the edge of his shirt.
“Most of the people in my life who I’ve gotten close to have left me behind. My parents, multiple foster homes, and of course, Charlie. Every day, I walk the narrow edge between thinking it’s my fucking fault they leave or that I’ve just been dealt a bad hand through no fault of my own. Most likely, it’s some combination of the two.”
I grit my teeth. “Abel, if you came here looking for a pity party, you’ve come to the wrong place. Everyone has shit they deal with in their lives. My parents died when I was nineteen, leaving me to take care of my sister. Do you see me going around and using that as an excuse for being an asshole to people?”
He physically recoiled at the intensity of my words. Like I said, I wasn’t going to make this easy.
“You’re right. Of course, you’re right. My past isn’t an excuse for taking my shit out on you. I just want you to know that what I said in the studio had nothing to do with how I actually feel about you. Instead, it has everything with how afraid I am that I’ll fuck this up.”
I sniffed but stayed silent, allowing him to continue.
“At the concert, after you left me, a fan came up to me and said some shit that hit right where it hurt. Stuff about replacing Charlie with you, and how she thought I was the one who drove him to OD. My mother died from an overdose. I’ve spent most of my adolescence thinking I was at fault for that.”
My eyes widened. “Fuck.”
He shook his head. “I know. The woman didn’t even know what she was talking about, but somehow, she managed to find exactly the right mark. I spiraled.”
Jesus. I hadn’t expected to hear that from him. I knew from Ezra that Abel had had a terrible childhood, but I hadn’t realized just how bad it must have been.
His hand reached out to grab mine. “I feel awful because Silas told me about your audition and why you gave up on pursuing music. Just like the fan, I hit you right where it hurt. There’s no excuse for that. I’m so goddamn sorry. I want you to know that I am one-hundred percent certain that you have everything it takes to be in the band. I want you there.”
I pulled my hand out of his. “Abel, I might find it in me to forgive you for what you said but that doesn’t mean I’m still considering joining the band.”
When he pulled at the collar of his shirt with his newly empty hand, I realized that he was genuinely nervous. Abel, the illusive, enigmatic lead singer of Bleeding Moonlight, was nervous about how this conversation was playing out.
“Why not?”
I laughed, and it sounded hollow and unrecognizable. “This is a life-changing decision. I can’t make it on a whim or in the aftermath of a blowup, just because you’ve now delivered an apology.”
“Are you worried about not having what it takes?” he asked in a careful tone.
“No,” I snapped, my jaw firm. “Even if I’m starting to think I can be a successful musician, it doesn’t mean I want to do it with Bleeding Moonlight. If I’m going to do this, I want to feel excited about it, and honestly, I don’t right now. I feel anxious. Worried. Concerned that we’d be at each other’s throats within a few days again. That’s not the right way to start something this big.”
He rubbed his knees, his expression pained. “I understand.”
I tilted my head in suspicion. “You do?” I had expected him to argue.
“I do.” He nodded. “I know I’m the difficult one. We’ve struggled to connect the way you have with the others. Let me prove to you that I can be a good bandmate. That we can work together. Write with me for a week, just us. I’ll come to your house every day before your shift at the bar, and we’ll compose as many songs as we can together. If at the end of the week you’re still unsure, I promise we’ll respect whatever decision you make.”
The thought of songwriting with someone who cared about the music as much as I did was heady, but I forced myself to consider his offer critically. What if I ended up clashing again? Even if it went well, would it be enough for me to agree to join them?
Abel must have seen the battle in my head playing out across my face. “You’ll co-own the rights to whatever we compose together, and you can choose what to do with the songs after we’re done. Release them or sell them—there are plenty of people who’d pay good money for unreleased songs that have my name attached to them.”
I bit my nails. It was a good offer, even if we ended up nearly killing each other in the process. This could help me kick off my own career if I decided to go at it on my own.
“Fuck. Okay.”
His smile made me squirm. It was like looking at a solar eclipse. I knew I shouldn’t look directly at it, but I couldn’t turn away.
“I promise you won’t regret this.” His hand found mine again, and this time, I remained still as his thumb moved in smooth circles across my skin. The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight.
“Fine,” I croaked and stood up.
I really hoped he was right.
ABEL
We decided to start the very same day, so while Adeline was using the bathroom, I hurried to text the rest of the guys.
