I had to have a pep talk with myself in the mirror in the locker room.Forget about what Molly said. They’re not crushing on you. You’re the first woman to ever work with them on an album, so a curious look here and there means absolutely nothing. Don’t stare at his ass. Don’t stare at his thighs. Above all, don’t stare at his crotch, no matter how it bulges from beneath his shorts.
Ezra was waiting for me at the squat rack. His hoodie was off, and the arm holes of his tank top were cut low enough for me to see the muscles running up his ribs and the taut outline of his side abs.
Dear God.
“Do you need to warm up?” he asked, giving me a friendly smile.
“I jogged around the neighborhood this morning before coming. Let’s just do a quick warmup set before loading up.”
We squatted with the bar before starting to put on more weight for each set. I was weak. I stared at his excellent glutes while I spotted him. Then, when we moved on to the leg press, I couldn’t help but appreciate the striations in his calves. He wasn’t bulky, like many of the roid-bros at the gym, but his body was tight and defined in all the right places. He looked like he could fuck for hours standing up, holding all of my weight on him.
I groaned at that thought, earning a curious glance from him. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just getting a bit sore,” I lied. “I think I’m ready to wrap up after the next set. It’s almost nine.”
By the time we finished, I was a sweaty mess, as was typical for leg day. We collapsed onto a big mat and started to stretch.
“Want me to help?” Ezra asked while I was doing pigeon pose on the ground.
The thought of his hands on me made my thighs clench.
I should say no.
“Sure.”
A second later, two warm hands were pressing down on my lower back, pushing me deeper into the stretch. It felt divine, the perfect blend of pain and pleasure. I groaned for the second time in an hour, earning a chuckle from him. “Flip onto your back.”
I did as I was told, and he kneeled by my side, lifting one of my legs and hooking it in front of his shoulder. His reddish hair was messy, and a strand was sticking to his forehead. He looked delicious.
“Where did you learn this?” I asked, my eyelids fluttering in pleasure.
“Thailand. I spent a few months there when we weren’t touring a few years ago. Took a course in Thai massage,” he explained, while inching my leg farther up.
“That must’ve been nice to live in a foreign country for a while.”
“It was one of the best things I’ve ever done,” he said. “Being away from everything allowed me to really relax. During those two months, I was only responsible for myself, and I felt so light for once.”
I forced my eyes open to meet his gaze. “Do you feel responsible for the rest of the guys?”
In the quiet moments during our rehearsals, I’d often see Ezra staring out into space with a sorrowful expression, as if something had taken him out of the present moment. He wore that same look on his face now, and I could tell he was looking at me without really seeing me.
“Ezra?” I asked gently.
He blinked and saw me once again. “I do. They’re my brothers.”
Slowly, he lowered my leg and came over to the other side. “Abel is our front man onstage, but behind the scenes, I fell into some kind of a leadership role when we first started.”
“I can see why,” I told him with a smile. “You have a knack for it.”
The corners of his lips turned up. “What do you mean?”
“You just seem to have a calming presence over the other guys. They listen to you. I think they’d be tearing each other’s heads off without you,” I told him.
His fingers traveled down to my thigh, rubbing my quads with firm strokes. I had to bite back another moan.
“I can see how playing that role could get exhausting, though,” I added after a moment, thinking about how I felt something similar at times when it came to Molly.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I just feel like I… Well, you’re probably going to think I’m an awful person for saying this, but sometimes I just want to stop playing that role. Then, when things go wrong with the band, maybe I won’t feel so goddamn guilty about it.”
