“Honestly, not great. Not really because of Molly though. I’m happy she gets to go to college and have the experience I missed out on, but I dread going back to our house and seeing it empty. A big house like ours isn’t meant for one person. Or even two people…” I trailed off. The last time I’d felt truly at home there was before our parents died.
He nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”
My gaze was curious. “You do?”
“I once bought a house for a girlfriend as a proposal gift.”
The casual way he delivered that bomb made my jaw drop. He studied me with an amused expression.
“Do tell,” I urged him.
He placed his tea down beside my thigh and folded his tattooed arm under his head like a pillow.
“My high school girlfriend. We were together for three years when Bleeding Moonlight finally started to take off. Our first album made me more money than I’d ever imagined. I was so in love with her.” He chuckled. “She was my first everything, and I was sure we were meant for each other, so I used that paycheck to buy a house outright. While I waited to propose on her birthday, I imagined us and our brood of children running around the house.”
I sipped on my tea, enraptured by his tale.
“After a fancy dinner, I took her for a drive in the neighborhood before stopping in front of the house. She must have suspected something by then, because she kept saying that she was tired and we should be going home. I was, of course, too excited to pay much attention to her reluctance. So, I showed her the house, told her it’s ours, and got down on one knee right there on the porch.”
“Oh God.” I breathed out. “Then what?”
“She burst out in tears. And not the happy kind. Told me she wasn’t ready to commit, that she’d wanted to break up with me tonight but felt guilty about doing it in such a nice restaurant.”
My heart broke for Silas, even though he seemed long to have gotten over this incident.
“I’m sorry, that must have been awful at the time.”
He shrugged. “It sucked. I tried living in that house on my own for a while, but like you said, it felt too big and too empty for just me. I sold it and eventually got over the entire ordeal. It allowed me to learn something about myself. When I fall in love, I throw myself off the goddamn cliff with no parachute. I come on hard and fast, and that scares people off. Unfortunately, I still haven’t figured out how to change any of that.”
He thought that was the reason why things between us had ended up the way they did, that it was his fault. I could see it play out in his brown eyes as if they were a TV showing a tragedy. How could I let him think that when I knew it wasn’t true? It wasn’t his intensity that had scared me off. It was my own feelings and the possibility of getting hurt that had made me clam up.
Are you going to tell him all that and then admit you’re sleeping with two of his bandmates? How do you think that will make him feel?
I swallowed the things I wanted to say and placed my mug beside his own. He got up from the couch.
“Where are you going?” I asked, standing up in case I needed to convince him to lie back down.
“I’m moving to the bed,” he said gruffly as he walked toward his bedroom. “You should probably go home. You’ve spent enough time babysitting me.”
His dismissal hurt more than it should have. “Are you feeling better?”
“A bit.” Then, as if regretting the curtness of his words, he looked at me over his shoulder. “Thank you for coming today.”
I sat back down on the coffee table. “I don’t want to leave you here alone. What if you feel worse at night and need someone to take you to the hospital?”
He sighed. “I’d argue with you more, but I’m too tired. If you want to stay, I can take the couch.”
“Absolutely not,” I said firmly. There was no way he was going to play the gentleman while he was sick. “I’ll be just fine here. Could I borrow a shirt or something to sleep in? I didn’t bring any extra clothes.”
He waved me into his bedroom. “Just take whatever you want from the closet.”
The walls of his room were painted a rich forest green. A bay window with a built-in reading nook caught my eye, and judging by the messy throw pillows and the tall stack of books, Silas read there often.
Tearing my eyes away, I opened the dresser Silas had pointed to and grabbed the first shirt I saw. I felt like I was intruding on his sanctuary, so I rushed to leave once I had what I needed.
He grabbed my elbow on my way out, and I noticed his skin was still too warm. “Sheets and stuff are in the closet to the right of the main door.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, all too aware of our proximity. The room smelled like him—black pepper and cloves and something unapologetically male.
