“So it was just out of convenience?”
I nibbled on my bottom lip. It had been a lot more than that, but I’d never gotten into it with Lindsay or anyone else.
“It’s complicated,” I said on a sigh.
“That’s how you know it’s a good story. C’mon, I need a break from studying. Tell me what happened.”
Nothing happened. That was the problem.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Back home in River Valley, Mason would always flirt with me, so I thought he was interested. He wasn’t subtle about it, like at all, and my sister would always warn him off. He’s two years older than me, and she’s protective. Plus, they used to play in the same band. Anyway, I expected him to ask me out when we got to college, but he never did. It just became awkward after a while.” I sniffed and looked at my nails. “We’re still friends, I think. But it’s for the best we’re not close. We’re into way different things.”
It took me a while to get here, but now I was sure the fact that nothing ever happened between us was a good thing. Mason and I were incompatible on many levels. I was a straight A student, and I planned to keep it that way. Mason, on the other hand, probably hadn’t seen an A the entire year. After graduating from high school, he took two years off, during which all he did was play music and throw parties. There were rumors the only reason he went to college was because his parents gave him an ultimatum—college or get cut off from their family fortune. That threat may have gotten him to Northeastern, but as far as I could tell, studying was still low on his list of priorities.
I knew his grades weren’t great, at least in the classes we shared. Every time I offered to help, he sidestepped and said he was handling it. He wasn’t though.I was sure he’d failed the last economics test given how distressed he’d looked when we got the grades back. He hadn’t shown up to that class since, and it had been two weeks.
“That sucks,” Lindsay lamented. “It’s his loss that he blew his chance with you. Then again, I haven’t seen him with anyone else. Maybe he’s intimidated by you?”
I leveled her with a skeptical look. “Are we talking about the same person? Mason is not intimidated by anyone.” He radiated a natural confidence most guys would give anything to have. He was easygoing, good looking, and it was obvious he didn’t take himself too seriously. The combo was magnetic. Mason could make friends with just about anyone, which is why, for the life of me, I couldn’t understand how he’d ended up with Kaz as his best friend.
Mason’s tall dark-haired bandmate was as charismatic as a brick. He liked to glare at people, chain-smoke cigarettes, and probably killed puppies as a hobby. He was the kind of guy your parents warned you about before leaving you on campus.Don’t talk to that boy. He’s trouble personified.
The first time I met Kaz was when Mason invited him to join us for a lunch. It was the third week of classes, and I was only starting to make friends. Lindsay and I had just progressed to having breakfast together.
Somehow, in the same amount of time, Mason and Kaz had started a freaking band, and they’d become inseparable. Mason played the drums, while Kaz played guitar and did vocals. They’d already written a few songs together. When Kaz showed up to our lunch, they exchanged a special handshake. It was as if they’d known each other all their lives. They even finished each other’s sentences.
In the beginning, I had an open mind about the guy. If anything, I wanted him to like me so that he’d tell Mason to ask me out already, but it quickly became clear Kaz had no interest in getting to know me. He said a curt hello before turning away from me and talking exclusively to Mason. I’d been rudely cut out of the conversation, as if I weren’t even there. Eventually, we followed him to the other side of campus, where he suggested we break into a small library that had been closed for repairs.
“I heard they’ve got sick art on the walls,” he informed us as he worked his credit card into the slot between the doors.“Would be cool to check it out.”His arms were covered with tattoos of foreign writing. I wouldn’t have been surprised to discover one of them translated torules are for losers.
I guess I was a loser, because I was not going to risk getting caught breaking and entering. I told him I was leaving. He smirked at me and asked if I always ran away when things got interesting. I told him I had better things to do with my life,said a hasty goodbye to Mason, and vowed to never hang out with Kaz again.
Being at Northeastern was a goddamn privilege, something neither Kaz nor Mason seemed to appreciate. For them, college was a playground. For me, it was an arena in which I had to prove myself. The prize for doing so was independence. A good career. A life where I didn’t need to rely on anyone.
I wasn’t going to throw this opportunity away.
“Well, screw him.” Lindsay concluded. “Guys are really dumb at this age.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m not mad about it, but to answer your question, that’s why we’ve drifted apart.”
“Good thing there are plenty of other choices on campus,” Lindsay said, taking a sip of her coffee. “I swear, I get a new crush on a weekly basis.”
“Trust me, I’ve noticed,” I said with a laugh. It was amazing how quickly my housemate caught feelings for guys she’d never even had a conversation with.
She wasn’t wrong, though. Northeastern teemed with handsome freshmen, many of whom were exceptionally smart and would no doubt be a perfect fit for me on paper. But the few dates I’d been on after it became clear Mason and I weren’t going to happen had all fallen flat. My heart ticked at a steady rhythm. My palms remained dry. Not a single butterfly fluttered in my stomach. Around Mason, it was as if a flock of them took up residence inside my gut.
He'd always been handsome in a boyish kind of way, but he was a late bloomer. It wasn’t until this year—the year he turned twenty—that he’d really grown into his own. He could be an Abercrombie model if the store sold distressed jeans, band T-shirts, and leather jackets instead of their preppy fare. The fact that he was musically talented and fun to be around magnified all his physical attributes by at least a factor of ten.
I had been equal parts fascinated and terrified. Terrified, because he made me discover something truly frightening about myself. There was a foreign thing that lived inside of me. I called it the wild thing, but I may as well refer to it as Bad Molly. It itched and swelled and struggled to take control of my body and make decisions that were not only bad for me, but also bad for the only other important person in my life. My sister, Adeline. It wanted to mess around, go to all-night parties, drink until my vision blurred, and make out with blue-eyed, blond-haired boys.
It was the antithesis of Good Molly, the person who was in complete control whenever Masonwasn’taround.
Mine and Lindsay’s phones buzzed with an incoming message at the exact same time.
“A party at Brock’s house,” Lindsay read. “Tonight. Oh my God, we have to go.” A wide grin unfurled across her face. Among her numerous crushes, the one she harbored for Brock, a quarterback, was on an entirely different level. I had no idea what she saw in him. He seemed to experience difficulty stringing more than two words together. He also happened to live with Mason, Kaz, and their fourth housemate, Noah.
I shook my head. “Can’t. I need to keep studying.”
“We’ve been at this since the morning,” Lindsay whined. “C’mon, we need a break, and they’re right down the street.”
