“So it’s getting serious?”
“More serious than anything I’ve ever had before.”
Sandro throws his hands up and walks in a circle before coming back to me. “Tell me you haven’t spilled your secrets to her.”
His tone dampens my spirits. “I haven’t, damn it.”
“So what if this keeps getting more and more serious? Are you going to keep lying to her indefinitely?”
“If that’s what I have to do.”
His eyes narrow. “Does it bother you that she’ll never know who she’s really dating?”
“If she knew who I was, she wouldn’t be dating me, so no. It doesn’t bother me.”
It’s only after I say it that I realize it’s a lie. It does bother me. It bothers me that she will never know my past, the past that made me who I am. The family, the friends, the enemies. The good times and the bad.
It shouldn’t, because I know revealing the truth to her would end us, but there’s a twinge of sadness in my chest at realizing she’ll never truly understand me. She’ll never see the darkness that’s fueled me for so long, the darkness that I don’t think will ever fully go away.
Even now that I have her, I still feel it pulsing deep inside my ribcage. Buried but not completely extinguished.
I don’t want any secrets between us, but there’s no way around it.
If the only way I can keep her is by keeping secrets, then that is my cross to bear.
I lift my gaze to Sandro. He’s watching me with troubled eyes. “How do you know she wouldn’t date you if she found out?”
“Her dad was in a gang. She hated him and everyone like him. She despises men who are criminals.”
I can tell he doesn’t miss the note of longing that slips into my tone. “You still miss it? The life we left behind?”
“Sometimes. Not as much anymore. Not since Blake.”
Some tension disappears from his shoulders. “I see.”
“Do you miss it?”
He gives me a sad smile. “Parts of it, sure. The thrill of breaking rules and getting away with it. The respect that everyone gave me when I said who I worked for. We had fun, didn’t we?”
I think back to Rafe’s wedding. To his wife’s birthday party—the last one I attended. To the nights when we pulled off impossible heists or negotiated deals that made us millions. “Yeah, we did.”
He runs his long fingers through his curly hair. “But I don’t mind going straight. At least I’m sure I’ll live a hell of a lot longer now than I would have if I'd stayed in New York. I met a girl the other day, you know?”
That’s big news. “Who?”
He grins. “She’s from Kansas City. Found her on one of the dating apps. Her name’s Kelly, and we kinda hit it off right away. We talked, and she’s the kind of person who skips right over the small talk and gets to the deep stuff, you know?”
“Sure.”
“Well, she was talking about how she wants a family one day. A girl and a boy. And it got me thinking that out here, my future wife won’t have to worry every day about whether I will or won’t come home from work in one piece. I won’t have to wonder if someone’s put out a hit on my family. It’s not as exciting, but it’s good in its own way, you know?”
I swipe my hand over my beard. “Yeah, I see your point. You think that’s enough for you?”
He lets out a breath. “I’m not sure. But I think so.”
I’m not sure either.
We let the silence sit for a long moment. Then Sandro takes out his phone and snaps a picture of the phone number under the For Lease sign. “I’ll give them a call.”
