It’s that I don’t trust myself. Nero says I don’t need to change, but I’ve already started to.
I’m not the girl he met in Darkwater Hollow anymore. And the woman I’m becoming? I’m not quite sure who she is or what she’s capable of, and that scares the crap out of me.
A year from now, will I still be able to recognize myself? Or will I lose myself, the way my mom lost herself at the altar of her love for my father?
She never had a backup plan or a way out.
But I can. Just in case.
By the time we head inside to cook some dinner, the guilt is still there, but I’ve managed to pack it up in a thick cardboard box and shove it deep inside the attic of my mind.
Nero pulls out some beef, tomatoes, onions, and garlic, and we start prepping for the sauce we’re making for the rigatoni sitting on the counter.
It almost feels like we’re back in Darkwater Hollow.
We stand side by side as we chop the veggies, and I’m transported right to the moment months ago when he kissed me in my kitchen.
A smile pulls on my lips. My body lit up like a switchboard before I came to my senses and put an end to it. “Do you remember our first kiss?”
He bumps me with his hip. “With utter clarity. The shell-shocked look you had on your face is seared into my memory,” he says with a laugh. “I thought you were just playing hard to get, until you declared that you were moving out.”
I snort a laugh. “I couldn’t believe your audacity.”
“Don’t lie. A part of you enjoyed it.”
I elbow him in the ribs. “Maybe a very small part.”
He grunts in mock pain and shoots me a grin that lights up his whole face.
My breath catches. He’s so damn handsome.
I put my knife down and get on my tiptoes to kiss him. Just because I want to. Just because he’s impossible to resist.
He leans down and kisses me back, sliding his tongue inside my mouth. Heat rises through my chest. By the time I tear myself away from him, I’m breathless.
I press a palm against the counter. “All right, I have to ask. What the hell were you thinking starting that fire?”
His brows arch in surprise. “We can joke about it now?”
I sigh. “I think it’s been long enough. I can handle it.”
He bites down on the corner of his mouth. “You were leaving. I needed to make you stay. But truth is, it was a major fuckup on my part.”
“Well, yeah.”
“I mean, I didn’t intend for it to demolish your entire living room. I didn’t realize it would spread like wildfire through your books. And when you told me you didn’t have home insurance, I went into a full-blown panic. That’s how that whole fake-dating idea came to me. I needed some way to explain why I’d fix everything without making it obvious I was doing it out of guilt.”
I give my head a shake. “You’re ridiculous.” He set my house on fire to keep me close to him. What kind of a lunatic does that?
This is the first time that thought doesn’t fill me with rage.
On the contrary. It’s just… I mean, it’s kind of…funny? And sweet?
My eyes snap wide. My God, am I for real?
Dumping the tomatoes into the pot, I walk over to the fridge and pour myself a glass of water.
Did I just make an excuse for what Nero did? It’s one thing to forgive him, but to empathize with why he did it?
