I grab the remote and turn on the stereo, desperate for anything to drown out my thoughts. A few taps on my phone, andDummyby Portishead streams through the speakers. It’s an album that always takes me places. I hope it’ll take me far away from here, because if my thoughts keep spiraling, I’m going to go after Blake, and I can’t do that.
I can’t undo the decision she made for herself, no matter how much it fucking hurts.
My body melts into the sofa, and my eyes drift shut. I’m more tired than I realized, because soon, sleep tugs at me.
In my dream, I’m at a restaurant having a good meal with Rafe, Sandro, and some of the other guys. We’re shooting the shit. The servers bring out the food, and it’s decadent. Perfectly cooked steak, crispy potatoes, sautéed wild mushrooms… They keep placing side dishes until there’s no space left on the table.
The food’s good, but the conversation’s better. We weave from one topic to the next, cracking jokes and busting each other’s chops. I’m electric, in my element, among my people.
A lightness fills my chest. This is what I used to love so much. The feeling of brotherhood. Of belonging.
We’re men who do bad things, but we also know how to be good to each other.
Light and dark. Yin and yang.
Suddenly, Rafe and the guys disappear in a swirl of smoke, and when the smoke dissipates, it’sherI see.
Blake stands in front of the table, her body poured into a stunning midnight-blue dress.
“Glory Box” comes on, the first few soulful notes resonating through the restaurant.
I reach for the glass of whiskey I’ve got in front of me and lift it to my lips. “I hate my own mind sometimes.”
She slides into the booth beside me. “Why’s that?”
“It won’t let me forget you, even in my dreams.”
Her hands come up to my chest. “Your dreams?”
“You’rea dream. A beautiful dream. But when I wake up, you’ll be gone.”
She steals the whiskey from my hand and presses her lips against the same spot mine just touched. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I cup her jaw. She feels so damn real in my hands. “Goddamn it,” I whisper. “Do you think I’m strong enough to withstand this? To have you here whenever I close my eyes? Taunting me with your beauty, your wit, your perfectly pink lips…”
She exhales a harsh breath.
I drop my hand and take my glass back from her. “I didn’t think you were so cruel.”
“Wake up.”
I swing my head from side to side. “No.”
“If I’m a dream, when you open your eyes, you won’t see me anymore.”
My chest heaves. She’s right. All I have to do is open my eyes…and see that she’s not really here…
I huff a defeated chuckle. “Never mind, then. There is no peace for me, not here, and not there. If I have to choose my purgatory, I may as well stay in the one that has you in it.”
The music stops.
My eyes snap open. “Hey—“
The living room comes into focus. I’m still on the sofa.
And Blake—the real Blake—is sitting beside me.
My heart skips a beat.
