“Calder, no.” Lara stepped in front of me, red hair flinging wildly in front of her face as she shook her head. “He wouldn’t blame you—he couldn’t. You were a kid—”
“It doesn’t matter if he does or doesn’t. I was old enough to survive in the wilderness on my own. Old enough to track and hunt and climb mountains on my own. Old enough to spend nights on end in the wilderness, with no food or shelter, and survive. Old enough to know better.”
I saw the way Cassius looked at me after that night—or the way his regard had changedbecauseof that night. He knew I’d found her. But my brothers and sister ... he’d shielded from the sight, burying her as soon as the rain broke in the morning.
“But your siblings—”
“Were safe in the cellar.”
“You don’t know what would’ve happened. Maybe if you’d done anything different, it would’ve made it worse,” she countered, then suddenly shuddered, stepping back with a press of her fingertips to her lips.
“Maybe,” I said slowly, angling my head to get a better look at her now that darkness had claimed most of the sky. “Lara—”
“How ... how do you live with that?” She forced a swallow. “How do you live with not knowing what would’ve happened if you’d done something different?”
The question had its hooks in far deeper than superficial curiosity; it was written in every line on her face.
Every muscle in my body tensed.What was she carrying? What guilt? And for whom?I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t without giving her an answer first.
“You carry the uncertainty like every ship carries an anchor.” My gaze netted around hers. “With time, you learn when it should hold you back and how to lift it and carry it with you when it shouldn’t.”
She let out a deep exhale, taking a beat to absorb my words.
“Is this about Rachel? Because this isn’t your fault. Whatever she’s involved in ...”
“I know.” She nodded too easily, and for some reason, my hand reached out and caught her before she could walk away.
“I meant what I said earlier. You carry too much for others. Too much for her.”
Silver moonlight dashed through her eyes. “Somebody had to, Calder. Somebody had to be there for her when y—everyone else walked away.”
There was no mistaking the almost-slip of her tongue. I was starting to realize the truth about our past—about my past with her sister—was another anchor I carried. One I had no reason to yet every desire to let go of.
“Lara—”
“What’s our plan for tomorrow?” Her decisiveness returned as part of her self-defense. No one could let her down when she was the one making all the decisions.When she wasn’t letting anyone in.
I ran my hand along the back of my neck. “Confirm whether or not Rachel is here.”
“And if she’s not?” There wasn’t muchifabout it.
“We’ll see what we can learn from the other participants. Maxwell mentioned targeting another couple for this ‘garden.’ If it’s something Rachel was involved in, maybe we can figure out a way to get on her radar, too. Figure out what and where it is.”
“Okay.” She took a step back. “I’m going to go get ready for bed. What do you ...”
“I’ll wait out here until you’re done.”
“I meant about sleeping . . .”
“I’ll sleep on top of the covers,” I said matter-of-factly, going completely against my previous decision to stay outside.Because she made me weak.
“Okay.” She paused and then turned back to the tent.
If I was lucky, I’d spend most of the night searching Maxwell’s RV, and not next to the warm temptation of her.
Chapter 14
Lara
