The words came from Sarah, but they were steeped in Dr. Julia’s mindset.
Was it brainwashing?Coercion?Was it wrong, what Dr. Julia was suggesting? Sarah clearly had self-esteem and traumatic relationship problems.Was Dr. Julia taking advantage of that to get her to this compound, or was it really something she believed would help?
“You have to do what’s right for you,” I told her firmly.
“She said Ben could take me tomorrow morning to the Garden.”
Ben?!
“What’s going on—” A low voice boomed through the trees, echoed by the heavy footfalls of Matthew’s uneven gait.
I breezed through an excuse. “I was on my way back from the bathroom and I saw Sarah crying. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”
Matthew’s stare chiseled into mine before he reluctantly accepted my explanation. “You should be out reflecting. Alone.”
“Of course.” I nodded, and after passing a reassuring smile in Sarah’s direction, I turned and walked quickly toward my tent.
Chapter 18
Calder
Rule #7: Your survival kit should assume everything will go wrong, because eventually it will.
I let out a sharp, fast whistle, catching Lara’s attention just before she reached the tent. Her head turned, eyes squinting through the trees, and I stepped out from behind the pine where I’d been waiting. As soon as she saw me, I saw the mess I’d made.
Fuck.
Fuck.
There were a dozen ways to end our meeting in an argument, but I’d chosen the path closest to the truth. Not for a logical reason. Or a rational one. Or a thoughtful one. But for an emotional one.
“I’ve seen how carelessly he can break a heart, and I don’t want that to happen to me.”
To hear the pain strangling her voice like a vine, to see the anger barbing her stare with thorns, and still to feel that surging, tidal pool of desire drowning us together ... I couldn’t take it.
I knew she blamed me for what had happened with Rachel. That I’d broken up with her. Hurt her irreparably. Though she’d never confirmed it until now. Still, I’d thought I was prepared to face her assumptions—her distorted version of the past—knowing it wasn’t wrong, exactly, but neitherwas it wholly right. But I wasn’t prepared for the worst-case scenario:the way it made me feel.
“This way.” I charted a new path to the edge of the woods, never following the same path twice in case Matthew or Ben had an eye for broken branches and crushed leaves and the stories they told.
“Sorry about earlier,” I said gruffly, turning once we’d cleared the trees, bottling up those feelings nice and tight in my chest; they’d only make things worse. “I didn’t want Maxwell to think we were making progress. The sooner we start to break down in front of her, the sooner we’ll get answers.”
That response—unlike the ones in the Sanctuary—was rehearsed. Practiced on repeat between each chastisement. I had to put out the sparks of truth before they turned into a wildfire I couldn’t control.
Lara’s wince was quickly concealed; when it came to putting on a mask of control, we were both equally matched.
“I might already have some,” Lara blurted out, the information popping from her throat like a shaken bottle of champagne. “I just ran into Sarah. She told me ‘EC’ is Eden’s Children. Sarah said Dr. Julia wants toreferher to the advanced program to work on herself and her self-esteem. Alone.”
My brows rose.
“She made it seem like the program was geared toward gaining ... sexual confidence in various scenarios and with multiple partners.”
Well, that wasn’t exactly what I’d been expecting.
“She briefly mentioned some of the paperwork she’d have to sign and the costs involved, but she seemed more worried about ... the other parts.”
“Did she say where it was?”
Lara shook her head. “She told me Dr. Julia wants her to go as soon as possible—tomorrow morning. And she said Ben would take her.”
