“You owe me nothing.”
Her eyes flicked away.
“You’ll never be the same after what happened—and that’s okay.”
“So…I’ll always feel this bad?” she whispered.
“You’ll feel better. Life will go on. But your perspective on the world and the people in it will forever be altered. You’ll be jaded by experience and suspicious of existing loyalties. You’ll be worse off in a lot of ways…and better off in some.”
“Sounds depressing.”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “It is. But it’ll also make you appreciate the good things even more than you ever did.”
She turned to look at me once more.
“You’re still in shock. But once that passes, there will be rage. Potent, maniacal, kill-everyone-who-gets-in-your-way kind of insanity. And that will be a permanent part of you, even when you’ve earned your revenge. You’ll be pissed off for no reason at all, just sitting in your living room with a cup of coffee at nine inthe morning. And there’s no kill list long enough to ever satiate this all-consuming blood lust that becomes a permanent fixture of your personality.” I didn’t want her to be like me, but I feared it was an inevitable outcome from this intimate betrayal.
“We were so different when we met,” she said as she shook her head slightly. “But now…we’re so much alike. I see so much of you in me and me in you.”
“We’ve always been alike,” I said. She lacked confidence, but her courage had never been in doubt. She’d conquered her enemies and escaped her captors. She was the toughest woman I’d ever met—and she still didn’t realize it. “Just more so now.”
Her eyes softened a bit as she continued to look at me.
It was the most we’d spoken in a week. The most connection we’d had. We slept together every night, and whenever she started to scream and cry in her nightmares, I shook her awake and brought her back to the safety of my arms. “I’m leaving for a couple of hours.”
“Oh,” she said with disappointment.
“I’m meeting with Don Russo. But you’re safe here. They aren’t looking for us anymore.”
“They were looking for us?”
“Yeah, but no one snitched. So if you want to go out while I’m gone or need something, you’ll be fine.”
She gave a nod. “I’m glad I didn’t know that.”
“Honestly, it was in their best interestnotto find us.” Because I was armed to the teeth in this house, and I believed Cosa Nostra would have backed me up if push had come to shove. I wouldn’tmind the opportunity to desecrate a portion of Warren’s army. Just fewer men to kill later. But I didn’t want to destroy my house in the process. “I’ll stay if you want me to.”
“No,” she said as she shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “Because you know I’ll stay.”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” she said with more confidence. “I know this is something you need to do.”
I arrived at headquarters, and after I pulled past the gate and entered the premises, I was immediately treated as one of their own. No one frisked me for weapons. I was greeted with silent nods like I belonged there.
A very different vibe from before.
I wasn’t even escorted to Don Russo’s office, just given free rein to walk there on my own. Felt like old times, like I’d stepped into the past before everything changed. Only a few months ago, I was a member of Cosa Nostra, but those last few months had changed my life so irrevocably it felt as if a lifetime had passed.
The door to his office was open, and he spoke to someone on the phone while looking out the window. “Tell him just to get it done. I don’t have time for this.” He didn’t sound angry, but his words carried a finality in the tone. He dropped the phone from his ear and turned toward me, not reacting to my presence, like he’d somehow heard me even when he was distracted. “The usual?” He immediately moved to the bar and grabbed two glasses.
“Sure.”
He made two old-fashioneds before he turned around and extended the glass to me.
I immediately took a drink. “Someone is learning their manners.”
Don Russo picked up on the playfulness in my tone and gave a slight smile before he sat on the couch.
