I was no stranger to death, but the loss of a child always twisted my insides up in unimaginable ways. I opened the baby’s mouth and blew air into her tiny, unmoving body. I then pressed two of my fingers into her chest, gently pumping it, willing her heart to resume beating.
The mother started sobbing uncontrollably, while the husband was as still as a statue, no emotions on display. It felt like an eternity had passed before a large, warm hand settled on my back. Turning away from the touch, I vaguely heard someone softly calling my name, but I was too far gone in my grief and building rage to respond.
Realizing the baby was still not breathing, I picked her up and rubbed her back vigorously, pressing my lips to her forehead. “Mother of all, hear my plea. Wrap this child in your cosmic embrace, and hide her from death’s cruel chase. By the moon’s soft glow and starlight’s grace, turn away fate’s shadowed face. Let her breath not fade to night but rise again like morning’s light. I call upon your sacred might. Nyxenia, I beg, shield this tiny soul tonight.”
I restarted trying to resuscitate the baby, pleading for someone, anyone, to hear my call for help. I hadn’t held any faith in the goddesses in years. I’d seen too many awful things to believe that anyone was out there looking out for us. Despite that, it was the only thing I could think of to do. I was beyond desperate for any help, no matter where it came from. If the goddesses did in fact exist, and chose any time to listen to our cries, I hoped it would be right now. If anyone deserved their favour, it was the innocent little one I currently held in my arms.
I looked down at the small bundle, who had a peaceful look resting upon her tiny face. She was no longer of this realm. At that moment, everything collapsed around me. A single pained sob left my body as I stood in my living room, pressing the small, lifeless baby closer to me.
A few moments passed before I felt that warm hand on my back again, the voice a bit clearer. It was pleading with me calmly. “Aurelia, you’ve done all that you can.”
I looked up and found Willow’s mother standing in front of me. The poor, frail woman was shaking and crying uncontrollably. My voice was raspy, barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t save her. I’m so sorry.” I gently passed the tiny bundle back to her. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, doing my best to fight off the wave of emotion threatening to break me.
Without a word, the woman slowly walked away and out the front door, clutching the precious bundle. Several seconds passedbefore a gut-wrenching, heartbroken wail pierced the once silent night. The sound was something I never wanted to hear again. Unimaginable pain, grief, anger, and sadness were conveyed in one horrific sound. I turned to see the husband standing frozen, staring at the floor, as if he were trying to figure out how to move his body. A torrent of rage and sadness whipped through me at the sight of him. All the feelings I had toward the Cult of Children raged inside me, and the only outlet I had for them was the innocent, broken man standing in front of me. Why? Because he had followed their oppressive rules, and as a result, his daughter was now dead.
“Please leave,” I said, voice low.
He looked up at me, confused.
“Get—out!” The words boomed out of me louder than I had intended.
Before he had any time to respond, I walked toward him, fists clenched, but Forrest put himself between the man and me. My heart raged, and I wanted to share the hurt that was consuming me with the devoted follower of the Cult of Children.
Forrest looked at the man with pity. “I think it would be best that you go and comfort your wife. You both lost something very precious tonight. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.”
The man nodded at Forrest and then looked at me, his voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you for your efforts tonight, Aurelia.” He smiled weakly and made his way over the threshold.
Trying to get around Forrest, I shot back, “Do you truly believe that what happened tonight was because your family wasn’t devoted enough?” I knew I was being unfair to the man, but it didn’t stop the question from coming out.
The man turned around, sadness and defeat written all over his face. “The goddesses have forsaken us all,” he responded, and he walked out into the cold, lonely night.
Forrest locked the door after the man exited. He turned to me,his eyebrows bunched in a mix of concern and confusion. “Is everything all right with you?”
“No. Nothing is all right, Forrest.” My voice sounded foreign and distant to me.
“You were quite mean to that man. I’ve watched you treat people, and I’ve never seen you act that way toward any of them. Did he do something that I don’t understand?”
His question was valid. I had been acting completely out of character. I was usually calm and focused when helping others, but tonight I was neither of those things.
“I watched a baby die in my arms tonight.” I held out my arms. The spot where I had cradled the child became heavy, as if the child’s body had been imprinted on my skin. “That baby died because she didn’t get help—because her father refused to get her help. And he refused because that fucking cult banned my healing.” My fists were tightly clenched at my sides.
Forrest made his way over to me, gently reaching for my balled-up hands. “I know that the end result was not what anyone was hoping for, but you did everything you could.”
“But it wasn’t enough. I failed.” I pulled away from Forrest, annoyed at his attempt to comfort me. “That cult’s inability to see past itself is going to continue to harm so many more people in this village, and there’s not one fucking thing I can do about it. They might as well start calling themselves the Cult of Dead Children!”
“Youaredoing something, though. You are giving light to those brave enough to follow it. You’re a glimmer of hope in the darkness.” Forrest ran his hand through his hair. “You have been so brave and helped so many people, me included.”
“I can’t talk about this anymore.” No longer able to hold back the tears, I made my way over to the sofa, placing my head in my hands and letting it all out. Sobs tore through me as I kept picturing the small, lifeless bundle in my arms, over and over again.
I could hear Forrest rummaging about in the trunk behind the sofa. Then the sound of the living room table being pulled away. Looking up and blinking through tears, I could see that he was placing various blankets and pillows on the floor in front of the fireplace. He smiled at me and waved me over.
“What?” I replied as I rolled my eyes at him.
“I don’t know why, but something is telling me that it’s a good idea to sit down together in front of the fire.” A smile spread slowly across Forrest’s face as he held out his hand to me. “I know that I can’t change anything that happened tonight, but I can do my best to comfort you.”
Mothers Above.I did not deserve his kindness or compassion. I was being awful, and despite it all, he wanted to comfort me. I forced myself up off the sofa and sat down in the blanket nest Forrest had created. I wrapped my arms around my legs, placed my forehead on my knees, and continued to let the sadness flow out of me.
Losing Willow tonight had pushed me over the edge, and I wasn’t sure it was something I would fully recover from. Despite my outward hostility toward the father, this was ultimately the Cult of Children’s fault. Their ignorance and self-righteousness were the root cause of this horrific loss. If this first week was any indication of how life would be living under this healing ban, there were going to be several more nights like this in my future.
