When I walk into my room, it looks just like I left it; only there is now a layer of dust on everything. Not as much as I expected, but I’m guessing my mother hasn’t had much time to clean since my father had gotten the diagnosis.
I decide that tomorrow I’m going to start cleaning this house up. My family needs the help.
I have nowhere else to be right now anyway.
Maverick “Viking”
I drank most of the night with my brothers. Everyone left at some point, except Ice and Knuckles.
We all passed out in the living room, but I remember saying to them that I didn’t want to sleep in my bed without my wife.
Knuckles is on the recliner, I’m on the couch, and Ice is on the love seat which is fucking hilarious because he’s too fucking tall for that shit. His top half is on, but his legs are hanging off the end; that can’t be comfortable.
I feel like shit, but I haven’t felt right in a long time. It does, however, feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest now that my brothers know how I feel about men.
I look around the home I share with my wife. There are holes in the walls, and I can see where shit is broken. The place is kept clean, but you can tell it’s not taken care of. Ana never learned to do any of that stuff because I had always told her that was what I was for.
I make a mental note of everything that needs to be fixed. There is enough money in my account that we can renovate it. Lots of shit needs to be torn out like the cupboards, and new furniture needs to be purchased since it’s all worn out with cracks and holes in it.
“Needs a lot of work, brother,” Knuckles says, his voice still thick with sleep.
I nod my head. “I know. I’m going to do it though. I need this place to feel like a home again,” I tell him.
“I’ve got to head out to the garage. I’ll be back later to help you,” he says while getting up and patting me on the back before leaving the house.
“You have a long road ahead of you,” Ice says once Knuckles leaves.
“I know I do. I feel like I can’t breathe without her. She’s everything to me, and I haven’t treated her like she is in a long fucking time,” I tell him before dropping my head.
“Why? There has to be more than just you also being interested in men that brought you both to this point,” he states.
I look over at him and feel like he wouldn’t judge me and could be a good friend. I was just scared I was going to lose my wife to him, especially knowing that he is a good man.
“We started trying to get pregnant right away but, as the months went on with no baby, the hope of her getting pregnant died. Watching her cry every month when her period came was breaking me on the inside, and I felt like I was a failure of a husband because I couldn’t give my wife the one thing she wanted. I had already taken her family from her. They disowned her after we got together because they didn’t approve of the MC life. I had seen how much she had to sacrifice to be with me and it killed me on the inside,” I tell him.
“That woman loves you, and if you guys couldn’t have kids then you could have adopted. It’s not the end of the road. When you pulled away, she probably felt like you blamed her for not getting pregnant,” he says.
“Fuck,” I choke out. I never thought of it that way, but I have a feeling he’s right.
How much blame did my wife take?
“If you are willing to give it everything you’ve got to get her back, then you have to hope there’s a chance she will,” Ice says.
I have to hope she will come back to me. She took every way for me to track her away. She knew I would try to bring her back. Not knowing where she is at this very moment is driving me crazy.
Is she safe?
I’m broken out of my thoughts when my door opens. Rage and Rock come in carrying food and coffee.
“We are going to eat while we wait for a bin to be delivered. I figured you would want to trash a lot of the shit in here; walls, cupboards, furniture... so one is being pulled into the driveway. We just need to move Ana’s car and your bike,” Rage says before sitting down.
I grab the keys to Ana’s car and move it into the garage before moving my bike to an open spot so I can ride it later. I then return back into the house to eat and start working.
Levi “Ice”
I’m a sweaty fucking mess by the end of the day, but I haven’t stopped working. I had the next couple days off, so I figured I would spend them here to help Viking with his house.
Once the bin came, we got to work throwing shit into the bin. Brothers came and went as the day went on to help pretty much strip the house, only leaving the important things that Viking knew Ana loved.
