Some of the brothers file out when they can see that I’m not going to chase my wife or lose it any more than I already have. When they leave, Prez, Rage, Ice, Knuckles, and Rock are sitting with me. Rock goes over to the kitchen to grab some beers. When he comes back, he shakes his head.
“There are only coolers in there,” Rock says with a shake of his head. Ice hands him a beer from the six-pack sitting beside him.
“She didn’t have a reason to keep beer stocked,” I mutter quietly, but I know they all heard me.
“Talk to us, brother. ‘You want to tell us why you have been an asshole to your wife?” Knuckles asks while getting up to grab a cooler, since everyone else grabbed the beers Ice had brought.
We all look at him. “What? It ain’t beer but, fuck, it still does the trick.”
I shake my head with a small smile. “I just had a bunch of shit going on in my head.”
“Not good enough, brother. This shit is obviously eating you alive, so tell us what has been going on,” Knuckles says.
“Start with why you are always checking out club whores. Because we aren’t the only ones who have noticed that shit,” Rock says.
I look over at my brothers and can tell they are ready to accept anything that I tell them, but could I really tell them something like this? Will they still accept me?
“Fuck,” I whisper.
“You want to cheat on your wife? Is that it?” Ice asks, looking like he’s ready to hit me if that is the case. I could tell he does care about her; just how much does he care about her?
I shake my head and blow out a breath. Here goes nothing. “I have never looked at or wanted another woman.”
The room goes silent. I drop my head and stare at the floor.
“I don’t understand. You are always watching the club whores getting fucked by a brother,” Knuckles says loudly.
The room is silent for a few minutes, and I feel everyone’s eyes on me.
“He wasn’t watching the club whores,” Ice says lowly. I squeeze my eyes shut imagining the angry, hateful, or disgusted looks from my brothers.
“Brother,” my Prez says softly.
“Tell us,” Rage says.
“I wasn’t looking at the club whores. I was looking at my brothers,” I rasp.
“How long have you been keeping this in?” Rage asks and, when I don’t hear any hate in his voice, I finally look up at my brothers.
They all look at me with acceptance and understanding. “I don’t know when it all started. I love Ana very much, and I want her, but a part of me can’t help but wonder what it would be like to experience all of that with a man. When those thoughts came, I was pissed at myself for looking at someone else other than Ana. I felt guilty and could barely look at her. So much so that it created a distance between us that I couldn’t fix.”
“You should have talked to your wife. Ana isn’t the type of person to leave you because of that,” Rock says.
I nod my head. “I know. She has never been that way. She’s accepting of everyone.”
“Why did you say all that shit about being tempted, and Ana letting herself go? Because, brother, that shit was cruel,” Rage says angrily.
That makes me smile that he’s mad at me for that. I know all my brothers will always have my wife’s back.
“I said all that shit because I was just trying to make sure none of you suspected that I was really looking at men. I wanted to keep everyone off my game. What I said was fucked up, and I regretted it the second I said it,” I tell them with a sigh.
“Do you know how you are going to fix it?” Ice asks.
I shake my head. “Not a fucking clue.”
I do know that I will do everything it fucking takes to get my woman back.
I’m not complete without her. I already feel the loss inside of my chest.
