“No, that’s okay. The aquarium is Jude’s favorite, and he’s not very patient.”
“He isn’t,” she laughed, her hand reaching for the door handle but pausing. “What’s your favorite thing to do at the beach? I mean, you know everyone else’s, but what’s yours?”
Mine?
Zayden’s eyebrows furrowed together. “I, uh…I don’t know.”
She’s going to hate that answer.
“Perfect!”
He blinked, then blinked again. “Huh?”
“You're a mystery, Zayden, and I’m going to demystify you. By the end of this trip, I’m going to make sure you have a favorite and that we all know what it is for next time.”
She opened the door and stepped out; the air lodged in his throat. “Next time?”
She didn’t hear him. “I’ll make sure to buy you something at the gift shop,” she promised, holding out her pinkie finger and wiggling it before closing the door.
All four of them stood at the sidewalk, none of them turning their backs or walking away until he had driven out of view. None of them. Not even that punk, Kai, with his hands shoved into his pockets and a scowl on his face.
If even Kai was willing to stand there, then Zayden had to be the problem in all of this. Which is what Dr. Burdough was going to find out for herself.
It felt fitting that Zayden was the first booked appointment, and the entire drive back into town to meet with Dr. Borough was spent considering every direction the conversation could go. By the time he made it into her office, he felt exhausted from the conversation he had simulated in his mind, and he felt worriedhe wouldn’t have anything to contribute during this session. When Dr. Burdough sat down, tucked her glasses up on her nose, and clicked her pen; he knew she meant business.
She was intense. Too intense. Zayden lost count of how many times he avoided eye contact and cleared his throat. He had never been trapped in such a tangling silence before, and he almost missed the migraines brought on by his pack.
Where was Jude to talk someone’s ear off when he needed him?
Zayden popped his knuckles for the fifth time—another terrible habit—and raised his eyes to the clock. It had only been ten minutes into the hour-long session.Fuck.
Dr. Burdough smiled, and he hated it, because it was a smile that said she knew something just from the ten minutes of silence.
“I’ve noticed you have quite a few anxious tics. Would you consider yourself an anxious individual?”
“No,” he said, way too quickly. “I have things I get anxious about, but, uh, I wouldn’t say I’m anxious. I’m just normal. Like everyone else.”
“Normal.” She hummed and wrote something down. He popped his knuckles again and refrained from pinching the bridge of his nose as his familiar migraine started. “It’s common for lead alphas, especially in packs that are still young, like yours, to feel anxiety. You admitted feeling anxious aboutthings. Would these things be related to the responsibilities of a lead alpha?”
He tried to answer more slowly. “No.” And failed.
He cleared his throat and shifted on the leather seat. He hated leather couches, yet they had one back home. They should never have spent money on a decorator. Now their house is dark and empty.
“Can you explain to me situations that do make you anxious, then?”
Easy. Making decisions that would impact his pack, barking orders, breaking up fights, being an emotionally centered and mature anchor to ground everyone, because he was supposed to be confident and know what to do, but he only knew how to make things worse. And then there was Sonnet, and everything about Sonnet made him feel like he was swallowing a swarm of angry butterflies.
Tell her the truth.
He tangled his hands into his long hair and groaned. He should just cut it off. Or, maybe like Kai, cut ties with everyone and everything and start over where he didn’t have to lead anyone ever again. “I guess there is a correlation between my anxiety and being a lead alpha.”
“Would you like to elaborate on these correlations?”
“Not really.”
She chuckled. “That’s okay. I understand. I won’t dig in that area, but I do have some other areas I’d like to open up. Think of these beginning meetings as me locating the wound, and then we re-open them, and then we start properly healing them.”
Oh boy.
