“Why would you want to remember the woman who abandoned you?”
The question stung, and she couldn’t help but flinch. Jude and Zayden scolded him quickly, but Kai wasn’t fazed. He really wanted to know. But Kai, or any of them, didn’t know her birth mother was a prostitute who sold herself to wealthy men, and that those memories of dressing up with her were the only few good ones Sonnet had. She didn’t want to lose that. She didn’t want to think of her birth mother as anything other than a woman who tried really, hard.
She couldn’t tell them. She couldn’t taint her birth mother like that, or let them be angry at her, or shameful towards her. Her mother wasn’t just some whore or some lady who abandoned her daughter. She was lovely, intelligent, and amazing.
“Because I love her,” Sonnet said softly. “And I don’t want to forget her. I’m not ready yet.”
It was hard to grieve someone who was still living, and Sonnet struggled with that grief nearly every day of her life, like an elephant sitting on her chest.
When she told her alphas, they all reacted deeply, and she appreciated their gentleness in holding the burdens of her pain. Instead of asking more questions and making a big fuss, they wrapped up their meal and headed back home.
She sat in the back, wedged between Jude and Kai. When they pulled up to their coastal Airbnb, none of them wanted to leave her side.
They all filled up the space in the master bedroom, talking lightheartedly and tiredly teasing one another. Jude and Felix took up the bed with her and Goose, while Zayden rested on the sofa in the corner of the room, and Kai stretched out on the floor.
One by one, they each fell asleep, Sonnet the last one, and as she drifted away, all she could think about was how she wished her mother could meet these incredible alpha men who had given her such comfort, peace, and affection.
Chapter 36
Sonnet didn’t dream often, and when she did, they weren’t always warm or silly, and most of the time, it felt like she was trapped in the maze of her omega’s consciousness. It used to be so bad that Sonnet would take medication just to sleep through the night, and that’s when her omega became even more mute.
Tonight was the first time in a year since her omega had a dream, and once again, it wasn’t a pleasant one.
She was seven years old again the night before her birth mother abandoned her. Mother was supposed to go out that night, but she had canceled her appointment to stay at one of the nicest hotels Sonnet had ever been to. They ordered almost everything on the menu, watched movies, and wore face masks. Sonnet didn’t think she could ever be happier.
This was a good memory, so why did her omega feel so sad?
Sonnet focused on her mother, and her memory deepened, expanded. For the first time, Sonnet remembered her mother holding a cigarette, three of them had already put out in theashtray on the bedside table. The bed was smaller, and so was the room, than she remembered.
“Mama. Do you think I’ll have one alpha or two when I’m older?” She asked, staring at the TV where her mother had paused on an old romantic comedy film about a beta coming out as an omega and being courted by a generous number of alphas.
Mama’s face darkened, and Sonnet noticed handprints around her throat, a bruise on her cheek, and her lip was cracked. “Oh, Songbird. Only omegas get alphas. You’re a beta.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m not raising you to be a whore.” She puffed out a long stream of smoke and looked down at Sonnet intensely. She was scared. “Do you understand me, Songbird? I love you so much. So please, grow up to be a good girl.”
Sonnet couldn’t control what she’d be assigned as, and even though she always remembered her mother hating her own omega traits, she didn’t remember her repeating those things back to Sonnet.
A whore. Is that what she really thought of omegas?
Yes.
Why are you showing me this? I don’t want to remember her this way. I don’t want to know! Why?
Because Mother didn’t love me like she loved you. But I want to love you. Please don’t hate me like Mother
Sonnet woke up, gasping for air and holding her chest. Her alphas were still asleep in the room while Goose slept at her feet, and the sun outside their window was only now waking up.
She hurried out of bed, climbing over Jude and letting Goose out onto the back patio. She stood outside, letting the cool morning air wash over her and wake her up. She played throughthe memory, picking it apart, every new piece that she had never remembered before, and then she started to cry.
“Are you there?” She asked softly, sitting down on the steps of the patio.
Her omega stirred inside her.
“I thought you hated me,” Sonnet admitted. “I thought you didn’t talk to me because I wasn’t a good omega. I thought… Am I the reason you don’t talk?”
Yes.
