Unconditional love and perseverance.
The sentiments came to her as if Mama had whispered them in her ear. A heavy sigh left her. She had no problem loving Duncan, but the perseverance part was a chore. She hadn’t the patience for it.
“Merry?” Duncan’s deep voice, so near among the trees, startledher.
“I am here.” She turned, trying to see him in the shadows of the conservatory. The dreary day, with the rain softly pattering on the domed glass roof, left little light to be found.
He emerged on her left, ducking to pass through the lemon trees. “Are ye warm enough, lass?” He held up one of her wraps, both awkward and endearing, like a scolded pup attempting to win back its master’s favor.
Her wounded heart ached at the uncomfortable rift between them. She moved closer and turned so he could place it around her shoulders. “How very thoughtful. Thank you.”
As he wrapped it around her, he drew in and lingered, his warmth embracing her. She closed her eyes, fighting for control. Then he stepped back and broke the spell.
“I dinna wish ye to catch a chill. ’Tis a dreich day.”
“Indeed, it is,” she said. “But the conservatory is a lovely place to walk when the weather chooses to be disagreeable.”
“Ye like it here, then?” He eased into step beside her, behaving as if he expected her to send him away.
His leeriness felt like salt in a wound. “Your mother was quite correct when she said Kirkston Place was nice,” Merry said, trying to sound appreciative. This strained small talk made her nerves raw. It was like dragging a jagged fingernail across silk. She struggled to find something to discuss other than the most glaring subject that squatted between them like a horrendous toad. “By the way, any time now, Felicity’s little one is due to arrive. I always stay with my sisters for a few weeks and help with their babies until they get fully settled with the right nannies and nurses and such. Sometimes, the first choice for those who care for the babies fails to work out.”
He halted and stared at her as if she had cursed him. His dark brows knotted over his troubled eyes, making it seem as though he wished to speak but couldn’t find the words.
“Duncan?” Worried that some sort of ailment had struck him, she touched his cheek. Thankfully, he didn’t feel feverish. “What is it?”
“Will ye ever come back to me?” The strained hoarseness of his voice echoed with pain.
“Of course I will come back. Why would you ask such a thing?”
“Because I destroyed our bond.”
She wanted to hold him, reassure him, but still didn’t quite trust him yet. Not after the truth he had withheld from her. “I would not describe our bond as destroyed. It is merely badly bruised.”
He reached to touch her cheek, then stopped himself and let his hand fall back to his side. “So, ye will return? Ye promise?”
“I will always return to you.” She gathered her wrap closer, lonelier than she had ever felt before. “I love you, Duncan. Nothing will ever change that.”
“Ye have been so angry.”
With a nod, she slowly resumed their stroll. “Yes, I have been infuriated, but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you.” A soft, huffing laugh escaped her. “That infuriated me, too.”
“I dinna understand.”
“I love a man held prisoner by his past, and I see no way of freeing him.” As they reached the farthest wall of the conservatory—a wall of glass—she drew closer to the windows and watched the raindrops as they skittered down the panes. “If I were trapped in a doorless and windowless tower, would you not be furious that you couldn’t reach me?”
“I would tear down the place with my bare hands. Stone by stone, if need be.”
Afraid to turn to him, she gave her reflection in the glass a sad smile. “I wish I could tear down your walls, Duncan. Truly, I do. My greatest wish for you is happiness without fear.”
“I am not happy now,” he said, moving to stand beside her and gaze out at their rain-soaked garden.
“Neither am I,” she confessed.
“But ye will come back? After ye’ve helped with yer sister’s bairn?”
“I promise, Duncan, I will always come back.”
Chapter Sixteen
