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Lucas laughed. The sound was sort of hollow, but he was laughing. It was really okay; he really didn’t know a thing. Relieved, I put my arms around him and hugged him tight. Lucas held me, too, and for a few moments we stood there, wrapped in each other, and I could pretend nothing had gone wrong at all.
His hair gleamed like bronze in the sunlight, and I breathed in the scent of him, so much like the woods that surrounded us. It felt so good, the knowledge that he was mine—I could hold him like this, out in the open, because we belonged to each other now. And every second we touched, the memories became stronger: kissing him, feeling his hands on my back, the salty softness of his skin between my teeth and hot blood gushing into my mouth.
Mine.
Now I knew what my mother had meant. Biting a human wasn’t as simple as taking a sip from a glass. When I drank Lucas’s blood, he became a part of me—and I became a part of him. We were bound now, in ways I couldn’t control and Lucas could never understand.
Did that make the way he held me less real? I closed my eyes tightly and hoped it didn’t. It was too late to do anything else.
“Bianca?” he murmured into my hair.
“Yeah?”
“Last night—I just fell into the railing like that? Mrs. Bethany told me how it went down, but it seems to me—Well, I don’t remember any of it. But you do? You remember?”
His old suspicions about Evernight must’ve been kicking in again. The obvious thing to do was say yes. I couldn’t bring myself to do it; it was one lie too many. “Kind of. I mean, it was all really confusing, and I—I guess I panicked. It’s all kind of a blur, if you want to know the truth.”
That was the worst dodge imaginable, but to my astonishment, Lucas seemed to believe it. He relaxed in my arms and nodded, like he understood everything now. “I’ll never let you down again. I promise.”
“You never let me down, Lucas. You never could.” Guilt crushed me, and I clung to him more tightly. “I won’t let you down either.”
I’ll keep you safe from every danger, I swore. Even from myself.
Chapter Nine
AFTER THAT, IT SEEMED AS IF I LIVED IN TWO worlds at once. In one of them, Lucas and I were finally together. That felt like the place I’d always wanted to be my whole life. In the other, I was a liar who didn’t deserve to be with Lucas or anyone.
“It just seems weird to me.” Lucas’s whisper was pitched low, so that it wouldn’t carry through the library.
“What seems weird?”
Lucas glanced around before he answered me, to make sure nobody would overhear. He needn’t have worried. We sat in one of the far archways, one lined with hand-bound books a couple of centuries old—one of the most private corners of the school. “That neither of us really remembers that night.”
“You got hurt.” When in doubt, I stuck to the story that Mrs. Bethany had come up with. Lucas didn’t wholly buy it yet, but in time he would. He had to. Everything depended on that. “Lots of times, people forget what happened just before they got hurt. It makes sense, doesn’t it? That iron scrollwork is sharp.”
“I’ve kissed girls before…” His words trailed off as he saw the look on my face. “Nobody like you. Nobody even close to you.”
I ducked my head to hide my embarrassed smile.
Lucas continued, “Anyway, it doesn’t make me pass out. Not ever. You are a seriously great kisser—trust me on that—but not even you could make me black out.”
o;It’s not always as vivid as it feels at first. For you, today, it will probably wear off in another hour or two.” Mom patted my shoulder. She had her glass of blood in her other hand, apparently satisfied with it. “As for later—well, you get used to the reactions after a while. Good thing, too. Otherwise none of us would ever get any sleep.”
My head was already pounding from the stimulation. I’d never had more than a half a beer in my life, but I suspected this was a lot like a hangover. “I’d rather not get used to it, thanks.”
“Bianca.” Dad’s voice was sharp with the anger he hadn’t shown last night. Even Mom looked surprised. “Never let me hear you talk like that again.”
“Dad—I just meant—”
“You have a destiny, Bianca. You were born to be a vampire. You’ve never questioned that before, and I don’t intend for you to start now. Am I clear?” He grabbed his glass and stalked out of the room.
“Clear,” I said feebly to the space where he’d been.
By the time I went downstairs in jeans and my pale-yellow hoodie, my senses were already going back to normal. In some ways, I felt relieved. The brightness and din had nearly overwhelmed me, and at least I didn’t have to hear Courtney bitching about her hair anymore. Yet I felt a kind of loss, too. What had been my normal world now felt strangely quiet and far away.
All that really mattered was that I felt better and could visit Lucas. After what had happened, I knew he couldn’t possibly be up and around, but at least I could visit him in Mrs. Bethany’s apartment. He’d be so horrified, waking up there, and who knew what story Mrs. Bethany had told him?
Even thinking about that made my body tense up, as if anticipating a blow. Mom swore that Lucas wouldn’t remember, but how could that be true? I hadn’t thought about it at the time, but I realized that my bite had to have hurt like hell. He would have been shocked and angry and probably frightened, too. I knew I should hope that he’d forgotten it all, but then I would wonder if he’d forgotten our kisses, too. Regardless, it was time to face what I’d done.
