I sit down on the couch and he sits with me. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me, but I feel like if I want him to understand me, I need to tell him. So I proceed to tell him about my childhood. And how my parents were while I was growing up. Which also lead me to choose the way I had River. The whole time I’m talking, Emerson is watching me and listening. He never interrupts or tries to give me reasons for it. He just listens.
“I’m not telling you all this so that you can feel sorry for me. I have River and my life is good. But yes, I do miss my family some days. But then I remember how they all treated me and I don’t miss them anymore.”
Emerson nods. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. No one should ever feel like that, especially a child. And I wish I could take it all away for you.”
“You make me feel safe. Like I can look forward and rely on someone other than myself.”
“I can’t promise you that things will always be perfect. But I can promise you that you’re never going to be alone again. You and River will always have a family that you can count on.”
I worry that if things go bad with Emerson, I’ll lose what he’s offering me.
“I know you’re worried. But don’t be. I will follow you wherever you go. I’m not going to let you get away from me. And that sounded so much better in my head. Not as stalkerish as it came out.” He chuckles.
I laugh, he’s adorable.
“Thank you,” I say as I kiss him.
“Now, you need to pack. I can stay if you want.”
“Don’t you need to pack?”
“I don’t usually take much. I have most of what I need at our house there.”
“Do you go back often?”
“We try to go back as much as we can. And they all come to races at different times.”
“Do you have a big family?”
“I do. My da has a sister and she has four kids. Then there’s our extended family and that’s a huge number of people. You’ll see them when we get to Lake Renegade.”
“Do they all live there?”
“Yes. Do you like hockey and baseball?”
“I do! I love the Redhawks and the Panthers. Do you?”
“I love both teams and I feel like I should give you a heads up on some of my family. So, Domenico and Gianluca Mancini are my cousins. And Declan O’Reilly is married to my cousin Giovanna. Oh! And Cillian McGregor is with my other cousin, Fiorella.”
All I can do is stare at Emerson. He’s just named all my favorite players in the Chicago Redhawks and the Chicago Panthers.
“Are you serious?”
“I am,” he says as he pulls out his phone and shows me pictures of his family.
Holy shit. I’m going to get to meet all of them.
“You have an incredible life,” I say as I snuggle with him.
“Wehave an incredible life.”
“Growing up, I never thought I would be lucky enough to meet someone like you. My parents always told me that no one could truly love me.”
“If I told you I loved you, would you believe me?”
“I don’t know. It’s only been a few days. How could you really know that you love me?”
“It’s a feeling I have. Watching my parents and even my aintíns and uncails, growing up, I always heard their love stories. When you hear them, you’ll know what I mean. So just know that I feel it and even though I don’t know how to truly explain it? It’s there.”
