“And you’re not afraid?”
“I’m terrified.” The admission came easily now, after last night. “But I stay anyway. Because the fear doesn’t get to decide. I do.”
Something shifted in Tess’s expression—a softening, or maybe just the exhaustion of constantly holding everything at arm’s length. She set down her cup and wrapped her arms around herself, and when she spoke again her voice was small and uncertain.
“What if Sherae is worse?”
She hesitated. “I don’t know what Sherae will be like but I know it’s not a ship. It’s not a mine. It’s not a cage. And I know you’ll have choices there. Choices that are yours to make.” She thought of Njkall, and all the doors he’d built for her. “That’s the only thing anyone can give you, really. The rest is up to you.”
Tess nodded slowly. The wariness hadn’t left her face entirely—she suspected it never would, not completely—but there was something else underneath it now. Something that looked more like determination.
“Three days,” Tess said again. “I’ll need supplies. Clothes for warm weather. I don’t have anything that isn’t for this frozen hellscape.”
“Then we’ll get you some.”
She glanced at the stack of ship records they’d been working through. They had eliminated dozens of vessels since their visit to Port Eyeja, but there were still too many possibilities. Tess’s memories came in fragments—a hull marking here, a glimpse of an insignia there—and every time they thought they had narrowed the search, another possibility opened up.
“And we still have three days to work on these.”
Tess grimaced. “I was hoping you’d forgotten.”
“Not a chance. If you’re going out into the Empire, I want you to know exactly what you’re staying away from.”
“Bossy.”
“I’ve been spending too much time with Njkall.” She hesitated, then added, “And if we haven’t found an answer by the time you leave, I’ll keep working on them afterwards.”
When she returned to their quarters, Njkall was awake.
He was standing by the fire, dressed and alert, a cup of tea cradled in his massive hands. He looked up as she entered, and something in his expression made her pause.
“Baralt came back,” he said. “I know about the transport.”
“Oh.” She crossed to him, accepting the cup of tea he offered. “Then you know it’s good news.”
“I do.” He watched her face with that quiet, searching attention she’d come to know so well. “I expected you to be… upset.”
“Why?”
“Tess has been your responsibility. You’ve spent all this time helping her and now she’s leaving.” He tilted his head. “Most people would feel the loss.”
She considered this. She did feel a twinge of sadness, but it wasn’t what she’d expected either. She’d thought she would feel bereft. Instead she felt… proud. And maybe a little relieved.
“She’s choosing to leave,” she said slowly. “That’s different from being taken. She’s not running away from something—she’s going towards something. Somewhere warm, somewhere safe, somewhere she can start over.” She took a sip of tea, letting thewarmth spread through her. “I’m happy for her, Njkall. I really am.”
He was quiet for a long moment, studying her with an expression she couldn’t quite read. “And you’re choosing to stay.”
“What?”
“Tess is choosing to leave. And you…” Something raw flickered across his face. “You’re choosing to remain.”
Her throat tightened.
“Every day,” she said.
His expression softened. “I think I’m finally beginning to understand.”
She rose on her toes and kissed his jaw. “About time.”
