“I am your extra teeth, mate.” There is a flicker of amusement in his eyes.
It delights me, and I smile while I keep working. If he doesn’t want them, more stinky fish teeth for me.
After some time, he pulls the cooked meat from the fire, dividing it onto two flat stones. The fish is dense, and tastes surprisingly like lemon and salt.
And it’s hot, and it fills my stomach.
Mission fucking accomplished.
We eat in silence. We’ve made progress, sure, but the tension is still there, unspoken questions between us.
It makes me sad.
All of this makes me sad.
This was supposed to be fun, not… this awfulness it’s turned into.
"Vael," I say quietly. "Can I hold your hand?"
He stops chewing. He looks at his palm, then at me, brow furrowing. "Why? We have already joined our bodies. The mating is complete. Why do you wish to grasp my digits?"
"It's a, uh, cultural thing," I explain, reaching out and placing my hand next to his. "It's different from sex. It’s just... a way to connect when things are hard."
He stares at my fingers for a long moment before slowly turning his palm upward. I slide my hand into his. My fingers are small against his, but I lace them through his anyway, squeezing gently.
Vael goes completely stiff. His pupils expand, his gaze dropping to our joined hands as if I’ve just performed a magic trick. He doesn't pull away. Instead, his thumb moves over my knuckles, a careful light touch.
It’s sweet, and unexpected, and makes me smile.
"This is strange," he murmurs, his voice a low rasp. "It carries a heavy weight. To touch without the mating need... it is different."
"Yeah," I whisper, a sudden lump forming in my throat. "It is."
The warmth of his skin breaks something loose inside me. I look into the fire, and my guilt returns full force.
"I didn't come up with this, have them sign those waivers just to be reckless." My voice trembles, and I take a deep breath, attempting to settle myself. "Earth is dying, Vael. Even before the Roth ships arrived and burned our cities, our climate was failing. The oceans are too hot. The air is toxic. We were all just suffocating in our own ways. Ellison was working herself to death, Lily and Lucy was trapped, and I was spending seventy hours a week defending people I’d rather see lose everything. And for what? For a life that I hated? My friends were —are— the only good things I have.”
A hot tear spills over my lashes, tracking through the filth on my cheek. I don't bother trying to hide it.
"I saw the advertisement for this show, and I saw an exit. A desperate one, sure, but a way out. I thought if I could get us to Sueva, to those mansions, we could breathe again. I wanted to save them. Save myself." I choke back a sob, my fingers tightening around his hand. "But I messed up. I didn't give them a choice, and now they're in trouble because of me. Real trouble, Vael."
Vael watches the tears fall, his face expressionless. He nods once, his tone entirely level. "Your planet sounds a terrible place. Does no one work to fix these things? The mad king on my planet," he pauses, “he is the reason things are bad, yes. But you do not have such a king, right? Or are they willfully dooming you?”
I freeze. Blinking through my tears, staring at his alien face for three seconds before a laugh rips out of my throat. "Wow. Thanks for the optimism, Vael. Really keeping the morale high."
"I am stating a fact," he continues, though the corners of his mouth twitch upward. "If a bridge is collapsing, you do not praise the wood. You find a new crossing." His thumb rubs my knuckle again, his gaze locking onto mine with a sudden gravity. "You made an error in leadership, Poppy. You denied your friends their agency. But your intent was survival. Hope for a better life… that I can understand."
It feels like a blessing, and I lean my head against his shoulder for a long moment, listening to the lapping of the water and the crackle of the fire.
I wipe the tears from my face with my free hand, my chest a little lighter.
"Then we better get to Sueva," I say. "I'm going to prove to you that you can trust me, Vael. I'm going to be the best partner you've ever had."
"You are the only partner I’ve ever had," he says. “I am unsure that you can call yourself the best if you are the only.” He doesn't let go of my hand, though.
“Does that mean that was your first time?” Taken aback, I look up at him.
“It was my first time with my mate. Everyone else has been a passing fancy. They were not special. Not like you.”
