"That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy his company while he’s here," she encouraged me, offering me a smile. "You deserve it, sweetheart. You work so hard..."
She continued talking and I did my best to take it all in, but honestly, my mind had already started to drift back in his direction, as much as I knew I should have been trying to keep my head on straight. I wanted to see him, despite myself. The walk back last night, the conversation, the kiss, it felt like I was drawing closer to him and pulling back before I could get a handle on myself. I knew it wasn’t fair to be so hot and cold with him, but with my head in the kind of mess it was right now, what other choice did I have?
Mom tipped breakfast out on to the plate and pushed it across the table towards me, and I stared down at the food, suddenly feeling utterly un-hungry. It was like my entire body was full up on him, like there was room for nothing else but the endless questions that nagged at me about him.
"I know you didn’t have much luck with the others," Mom remarked softly, as she took her seat opposite me, wrapping her hand around the cup of coffee I had brought her from Bean There Coffee Shop. "But that doesn’t mean that this is going to go the same way..."
I picked up my fork and took a bite, keeping my mouth full enough that I wouldn’t have to reply. Sometimes, I wished I hadn’t spilled so much to my mom about the last couple of guys I had been involved with, but I had been so damn sure that we were going to last, I hadn’t even thought about keeping my mouth shut on the matter. Why would I? I had imagined a future with them, before they had taken off, leaving me hollowed-out and alone once more.
"Why don’t you give him a call, invite him here for dinner?" she suggested, and I shook my head urgently. The thought of him getting intertwined with my real life, it didn’t sit right with me. It would only make it harder for me to move on when he finally took off and left town, if I had memories of him that I couldn’t shake for the life of me.
"I should probably get to the diner," I remarked vaguely, glancing to the bright sky outside. A few clouds were gathering in the sky in the distance, and I didn’t want to get caught in the rain. As the summer drew to a close, the weather changed, the darker, longer nights stretching out around me.
"You’ve hardly had anything to eat," Mom protested, gesturing to my plate, and I took another bite demonstratively, hoping that she wouldn’t take it as an insult.
"I need to start my walk," I reminded her. "Since my car’s broken down…"
"I’ll drive you."
"No, it’s fine," I replied, waving a hand. "I need some time to clear my head anyway..."
"Clear him out of your head, you mean?"
I frowned. I wished I hadn’t said anything to her about him, wished I hadn’t entertained the conversation beyond what she already knew. Because she was right. I was hoping that a brisk walk would be enough to wipe him from my mind, even though I got the feeling that he had already taken root so deeply that it wouldn’t be that easy. Would his car still be on the side of the road, where he had left it, climbed out like it was the most natural thing in the world so he could join me on my walk? I didn’t know, but I got the feeling it would be. My heart flipped at the thought that I might run into him again, see the way he smiled at me, the look on his face as he laughed at a joke I made, the shape of his mouth where it had been…
"Yeah," I replied, as I realized that I had been standing there in complete silence. Mom twisted her mouth to one side, clearly not convinced.
"Well, if you change your mind and you want a ride, you know where I am."
"Sure. Thanks, Mom."
I lingered for a second longer than I had to, wondering if I should have stuck around a little longer and talked this through with her. But I knew she would just let me get it into my head that there was something happening between Felix and I that there wasn’t. I had to take him at his word, that he was going to hit the road again whenever he wanted, and that I would be left behind in the dust when that time came.
I kissed Mom goodbye and walked to the diner, mind drifting as I made my way down there. By the time I arrived, Pam was already there, stringing up some bunting around the front of the building as she teetered dangerously on the edge of a ladder.
"Pam, what are you doing?" I called out, as I rushed over to her, grabbing the ladder. She jumped slightly, some pins dropping out of her hand and on to the ground below.
"Oh, Dina, you scared me!” she laughed, planting a hand on her chest and shaking her head.
"You shouldn’t be up on this ladder without someone else around," I told her. "If you fell…"
"I’m not that decrepit yet," she protested, laughing, as she stepped down from the ladder to gather up the pins, the bunting coiling at her feet. "I need to get these Labor Day decorations up, we only have till the end of next week."
"That’s plenty of time…"
"Well, I like to get ahead of these things," she replied firmly, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I knew that I wasn’t going to get through to her, she had already made her mind up. But I couldn’t help but feel a slight pang in my throat, thinking thatthe end of summer was coming so soon, Labor Day marked the unofficial end of the summer season, the time when most of them would take off and leave this place a little quieter. And no doubt Felix would be amongst them, ready to hit the road again and see what lay out there for him to explore. She stumbled slightly as she stepped forward, muttering a curse under her breath.
"Oh, I’m getting too old for this," she complained, as she had made a habit of in the last few months.
"You hold the ladder and I’ll hang the decorations, how about that?" I suggested, and she shrugged.
"Well, if you think that would be easier..."
I grabbed the bunting and hooked it over my shoulder, climbing up the ladder to carry on where she had left off. I would take anything I could get to keep my mind busy right now, and if that meant turning this place into a party zone for everything Labor Day related, then so be it.
Anything to keep my mind off the man I knew would, all too soon, be out of my life once more.
Chapter 9
