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Yet I didn’t feel the same kind of fright I’d known after every other encounter with a wraith. This one had shown no signs of hostility, hadn’t made any demands like stop or ours or anything like that. Either she liked Vic as much as he liked her and would leave us alone for his sake, or my obsidian pendant was a definite safeguard.
As Vic carefully studied my face, he said, “Well?”
I smiled. “We can stay.”
For a little while, at least, Lucas and I had a home.
Vic drove us back to our hotel. Before he and Ranulf left, Vic made a discreet trip to the ATM and gave me the six hundred dollars he’d promised, a wad of bills I stuffed inside my purse. We had the keys and code to turn off the security system in the wine cellar, and once we had jobs, Lucas and I would be able to save money. Before they left, I hugged Vic tighter than I had hugged almost anybody else in my life.
Then it was time for me to face the music.
Lucas hadn’t smiled once on the way home. He talked some with Vic and Ranulf, thanking Vic for giving us a place to stay, but it was like I was invisible. He’d held on to his temper while we took care of business, but now his mood was darkening.
We rode up the hotel elevator in silence, the tension around us weighing heavier by the moment. In my mind, I kept seeing Eduardo’s death at Mrs. Bethany’s hands over and over again, and hearing that sickening crack.
When we entered our room, I expected Lucas to begin shouting at me right away, but he didn’t. Instead he went into the bathroom and washed his face and hands, scrubbing hard, as though he felt dirty.
As he dried off with a towel, the suspense got to me. “Say something,” I said. “Anything. Scream at me if you have to. Just—don’t stay quiet like that.”
“What do you want me to say? I told you not to use e-mail? We both know that, and we both know you ignored me.”
“You didn’t say why.” He glared at me then, and I realized how weak I had to sound. “That’s not an excuse. I realize that—”
“I told you months ago that we had to watch out for e-mail being traced! Did you think I didn’t e-mail you last year just because I didn’t feel like it? Why wasn’t that alone enough to tell you that was a good reason?”
“You’re shouting at me!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want to overreact to something as insignificant as people getting killed.”
It hit me then, the full weight of what I’d done, in a way it hadn’t since the night of Mrs. Bethany’s attack. I smelled the smoke and remembered the screams. In my mind’s eye, I saw Mrs. Bethany viciously twist Eduardo’s neck and the light fade from his eyes as he fell down dead.
I ran from the hotel room, tears stinging my eyes. I couldn’t face Lucas’s anger at that moment, even though I deserved it. My own guilt had come crashing down, punishing me more horribly than he or anyone else could. I had to be alone, to cry it out for myself, but where could I go?
Blindly, I pushed into the stairwell, listening to my sobs echo as I hurried upward. I wasn’t running anywhere in particular, just running—as though I could outrace the knowledge of what I’d done. When I reached the rooftop and could go no farther, I walked out to the pool. A few kids splashed in the kiddie area, but for the moment I had the deep end to myself. I kicked off my sandals, dunked my feet, hung my head, and wept quietly for a long time until all the tears had run out.
At dusk, someone finally sat beside me at the pool’s edge—Lucas. I couldn’t quite bring myself to meet his eyes. He sat by my side, unlaced his shoes, and dunked his feet, too. I should have found that more encouraging than I did.
Lucas spoke first. “I shouldn’t have shouted.”
“If I’d had any idea what could happen—that Mrs. Bethany might find us from that and come after the group—there’s no way I would’ve sent the e-mail. I promise you.”
“I realize that. But you could have sent a letter. Gotten Vic to call them. There were other things you could’ve done. If you’d thought it through—”
“But I didn’t.”
“No.” Lucas sighed.
My shortsightedness had cost Lucas dearly and had cost some of the Black Cross hunters their lives. Although many of them were antivampire zealots, that didn’t mean they all deserved to be murdered in cold blood. Because of me, they had been. “Lucas, I’m so sorry. I’m so incredibly sorry.”
“I get that. It just doesn’t change anything.” Then he grimaced and stared out at the city around us; Philadelphia didn’t glitter the way New York did, but it was still shiny and steely, more light than darkness. “Mom’s all alone. She lost Eduardo; she lost me; she lost her Black Cross cell. What’s she going to do? Who’s going to be there for her? I planned to leave with you, and I don’t regret doing it, but when I made that decision, I thought Eduardo would be there with her. I know you think she’s so tough—and she is—but this—”
I’d been so busy worrying about myself and my friends that I hadn’t spared a thought for Kate. In a lot of ways, her situation was as bad as my parents—worse, even, because at least they had each other. Kate had nobody. “Surely, someday, when we’re safer, you can call her or something.”
“If I contact her, ever, she’ll tell Black Cross. Those are the rules. She won’t break them.”
“Not even for you?” I didn’t believe that for a second, but obviously Lucas did.
He looked at our reflections on the surface of the pool, as if weary. Although I could see that his anger was diminishing, it was being replaced by depression. That wasn’t much easier to witness. “Mom’s a good soldier. Like I always tried to be.”
