As I stare at my pot plants, wondering if I’m overwatering them or underwatering them, my phone buzzes.
Roman.
Just his name on the screen makes my stomach turn sunny side up. I’d slipped my number under his door in a moment of madness once, with a babbling note about it being for emergencies. He’d text me a thumbs up along withCool. Roman. Hardly the most riveting of first discussions.
You might want to sit down.
I’m already sprawled across my couch like a Victorian drama queen.
A bit late.
Another vibration.
I’m sorry if this isn’t how you wanted to find out. I got carried away.
My thumb hovers over the link that pops up below the message.
What on earth has he done? Has he sold our story to the newspapers? Or some blood-hungry crime podcast? God, I hope not.
But not clicking isn’t an option. As though I have one iota of restraint in my body.
I click.
The page loads, and a series of headlines hit me in the face. And lots of photos of Roman. Looking absolutely delicious, if I do say so.
Internet’s Most Notorious Celibate Says He’s in Love
‘It Was All a Lie’: Influencer Shocks Millions With Confession
Who Is the Woman Who Changed Everything?
Christ, I hope they don’t come looking for me.Our family is very much astay-out-of-the-press kind of vibe.
My second thought isRoman, you absolute knobhead.
I click through to his page after reading wild versions of his story. A new video is pinned to the top. And yes, I know all of his videos enough to spot the new one on first glance. So sue me, a girl’s got to get her man candy for sad lonely faps from somewhere. There’s no sensational clickbait title or thumbnail of his glorious abs(shame)to entice people in, but there are already over two million views.
He sits on his sofa, looking a bit worse for wear, but no less lovable for it. His hair is a bit of a mess, and there’s still a whisper of a yellow bruise on his jaw if you know where to look.
I press play.
‘Hi,’ he says, and immediately I have to bite my lip because he sounds likehim. Not the hype-up character of him online, but the real one.
‘I don’t really know how to start this… but I want you all to know that I’m not who I’ve said I am.’
I’m sweating more than he bloody well is.
‘I built a life around an idea,’ he continues, sweeping a hand through his dark hair. ‘That distance was discipline, and isolation breeds strength. That love was… for the uninformed.’
You were a lying twat. But a hot one, at least.
‘For a long time, I believed that to be true. Until I didn’t.’
I slurp my tea, my eyes glued to my screen.
‘Loneliness isn’t a badge of honour, and I used it to try and hide my broken heart. My views on this celibacy cult I’ve added to online have changed. If they were ever even true. While I encourage so many people to give up intimacy to gain focus, I was lying to you all. I’d pick up women in bars who were as lonely as me, and lose myself in them for a night. Only ever one night.’
Jealousy tinges, even though I know it’s irrational.
