My heart picks up speed as I scramble frantically for my phone. ‘Are you sure? I’m pretty sure it said on my ticket that—’
‘Oh, don’t worry, ma’am. Your friend paid me to swap. I’m 22J. He’s waiting for you.’
I clumsily grab my things and make my way down the aisle as gracefully as possible in a moving train. Eventually I find Noah, sitting alone in a tabled section for four, a bounty of food items spread in front of him.
He greets me, beaming. ‘Took you long enough!’
‘What’s going on?’ I look at him cautiously.
‘I felt like I owed you a good travel experience after the train to Salzburg,’ he says. ‘Come, sit!’
He gestures to the two seats opposite him and I shuffle my way into the one by the window. While I was sitting in my aisleseat, brain fog at the helm, I hadn’t once bothered to look out the window. The views are breathtaking. I gasp at the vast rivers and snow-capped mountains that paint a perfect picture of idyllic pastures as we zoom by.
‘It’s stunning, isn’t it?’ Noah asks, following my line of sight. ‘Almost doesn’t seem real, it’s so perfect. I’m glad we get to take it in together. Speaking of...’
He lunges for the items on the table and begins to vigorously tear open packets. My eyes scan over the excessive variety. He’s got sandwiches, chocolate, crisps, individually wrapped biscuits, gummy bears, cereal bars and more.
‘You like?’ he stops his unboxing to ask proudly. ‘I had to make do with what the snack trolley had in stock. Thought we could debrief over food while we take in the view.’ He cracks open both of the cans of Fanta Limón and hands me one. ‘Cheers!’ he says as we smash the cans together.
I take a sip of the warm bubbles and grab a KitKat from the table. ‘How much did this cost you?’
I glanced at the menu when I first boarded the train and immediately had to look away. I understand the increased demand and the lack of other options, but the extortion I saw happening was truly evil.
‘Too much.’ He grimaces. ‘But worth every penny. The only veggie sandwiches they had were cheese or egg mayo, which both sounded a bit naff, but I got one of each anyway. We can halve them.’
He reaches over to grab the cheese sandwich near my hand, using it as an excuse to not-so-subtly analyse my expression. He glances down at his lap as he sits back in his seat, pulling one of the triangles from the packet and taking a deep breath.
‘You seemed a bit down this morning. And last night, actually. Is everything okay?’ he asks.
It’s clear he’s attempting to downplay his concern, but, unfortunately, it’s painted all over his tightly creased brow.
‘I’m fine,’ I say.
I snap my KitKat in half and look out at the passing scene in the window. I follow the curves of the rolling mountains, letting them lull me into a sense of incredibly forced peace. The trees of the forests start to build, the dark-green leaves morphing into one as we whizz past them at speed. I use the moment to take it all in and remember why and how I’m here. I’m doing this – travelling, living part of my dream as I write across different countries.
‘That’s good,’ he says dubiously. ‘It’s just – and look, I will totally drop it if you really don’t want to talk about it... but you seemed so content when you were on the phone at Lina’s and then you got back, and you were just a bit... duller.’
‘Wow, thanks,’ I say, shocked at his use of the word ‘dull’.
His eyes widen. ‘No, not like that! You’re not dull – sorry, bad wording. It’s just...’ He takes a beat. ‘You are so...brightas a person. You fizz and you sparkle; it’s like looking at the sun. And yesterday, it was like your light had been dimmed.’
He turns to look me in the eyes, a weight behind his.
‘You are far too special a person to let anybody dim your light,’ he says.
There it is again. The flutter in my chest that I hoped my few days with Lina had drowned. It speaks louder than words can and shouts over the chaos of my mind. With Tom I felt loved, of course, he was as polite as they come, but I never ever felt like this. Noah puts me in a spotlight. Noah looks at me as if I glow. He bolsters me further than I knew was possible. I love myself, I do – everyone should. But Noah has set a bar I now endeavour to reach for myself. I grab the second stick of my KitKat.
He takes my hand in his, his eyes darker as they stare perceptively into mine.
‘What happened?’ he asks softly.
I take a deep breath.
‘Things didn’t end so well,’ I say quietly. ‘I was happy – we were happy... until we weren’t.’
A sigh leaves my lips as I hark back to the last time I uttered that sentence, moments after Tom ended things on the streets of Shoreditch. We were fine – easy and fine – until that wasn’t enough for him.Iwasn’t enough for him. I’m never enough for anyone.
He tenses.
