He holds my gaze, sets his lemonade beside mine, and starts pulling his t-shirt over his head, revealing the familiar planes of his chest that I know so well.
“What are you doing?”
He kicks off his shoes, strips down to his boxers, and dives into the water in one fluid motion. I freeze, unable to move, as ripples spread across the pool’s surface.
I don’t dare turn around, even though I feel the water moving behind me.
In one moment, he’s at my back, his presence so heavy I feel it pulling me under even as something in me fights to stay above the surface. He hovers there, hesitant as his exhale reaches me across the water, slower and steadier than my rapid pulse hammering in my ears, and the energy between us is undeniable.
“Sara,” he whispers, his voice breaking slightly. “Please look at me. Being around you, not being able to be with you… baby, please.”
I should move away. I should climb out of this pool and go back to Liam, who’s recovering from a bullet wound. But I can’t look at him or even at myself, caught between the past and present, between what was and what is.
His hand hesitantly grazes my waist, and his mouth hovers at my ear. “I protected you the only way I knew how, Sara. I made grave decisions with bad people and made a deal—one that kept you alive.”
My breath catches. I’ve missed him so much it hurts. The familiar scent of him, the way his fingers press into my skin. It’slike muscle memory as my body responds recognizing his touch before my mind can catch up.
I’m transported back to before everything fell apart to a time when he was mine and I was his, and the world made sense. Every smile and moment we spent together radiated hope and a new sense of self, a kind of survival that now feels completely out of reach. He had kept me afloat and my splitting pieces were sowing back together and then… he broke me… A grief so heavy it drowned me.
“That night, Joe, that night you looked for me…” His pupils track the rise and fall of my chest, and I pray he doesn’t notice how I try to conceal my breathlessness.
“What about it?” he asks, his breath in my neck.
“What were you going to tell me?”
“I was going to ask you to leave with me, to leave it all behind and run. I wanted to give you everything you ever asked of me.” He pauses, and my next breath shakes as he trails kisses along my neck. I can’t help tilting my head to give him better access. “They said they’d hurt you to hurt me, and when I didn’t find you… I knew I was being selfish to turn your entire life around. I became no one. Nothing. A dead man can’t lead killers to your door, Sara.” He spins me around to face him, his hands cupping my face, desperation in his eyes. “I died a thousand times every day while I was away from you, but I knew they’d be looking for us and I refused to put that on you, to subject you to a life living in fear and on the run.” His thumb caresses my cheek as his eyes show heartbreaking honesty.
“Who, Joe? Who are these people?” I beg, my voice shaking, his pain breaking me.
He shakes his head, hesitating. “I don’t know who is behind everything, but you’ve met Charles Wayne by now. He threatened me. He knew how much you meant to me. I got too close to fuck their whole thing up. So, we made a deal that I’ddisappear. A stupid deal that I thought would protect you.” He scoffs. “I only made it easier for them, they still came after you. I did not know who Tyler was, or that he was in on it. Everything unraveled before my eyes, and I was powerless. They found you and toyed with the deal I made with them. I couldn’t call you, touch you or be the man who made you smile. Even ghosts feel pain, baby.” He laughs eerily, laced with agony, his hand trailing down to my collarbone, lower and lower… “I watched you heal in his arms while I stood guard. Try watching from a distance as the only person who makes life worth living learns to live without you.”
His words are gut-wrenching. A part of me feels responsible, and I stare into his eyes as his hand lands at my heart. Softly circling his thumb on my nipple, I arch into his touch uncontrollably.
“What made you come back?” I exhale in a silent moan.
“Charles called me and said Liam was a dead man for blowing up the Velastra. I had enough of all this shit. I… I couldn’t be away from you anymore.”
He pushes his body forward, pressing mine against his and the pool wall as his lips find mine. One hand moves to the small of my back while the other tangles in my wet hair, and I kiss him back, letting his mouth travel us back through time.
His body shakes until I feel his tears mixing with the pool water. He lets out a choked sob against my lips, kissing me like he’s drowning and I’m his last breath of air. I melt into him, breaking apart completely for him, too. My fingers dig into his hair, holding him to me with equal desperation as he holds me close. I have craved his touch and presence for so long, he will always be my first love.
“I never stopped needing you, Sara,” he whispers brokenly between kisses. His forehead falls to mine as he cups my face.“I’m so, so fucking sorry.” Our breaths alter as we stare into another, his heart beating against mine.
“Do you love him?” he asks again, and I gasp lightly.
He needs the truth… I need to hear myself say the truth.
“I love you…” I say with a tremble and a pause. One beat too long and Joe finishes what hurts to say aloud.
“But you love him more.” His eyes close, heavy with dread.
I stare back at him, biting my lip, tears pooling in my eyes.
“Joe… t-the dev-devastation I felt.” I try to express words too stifling to comprehend.
“The pain of losing you, the grief I felt, I was breathless through it all. I had never experienced a hurt like this before. It hurt, my God, it hurt so badly.” My chest throbs as I rub my heart, my tears falling free as he stares pained into my eyes.
“Day after day, I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep… the agonizing idea of you suffering, I died with you that day, Joe. I died, and I realized how much I loved you. I didn’t have the chance to tell you. You took that away from me.Youtook yourselfawayfromme. I wanted you, that’s all I ever wanted, desperately, Joe, you, it wasyou.”
