He hesitates, taking a gulp of his coffee and setting the cup down. How can such simple actions make someone so intimately beautiful and…
“She can stay in Paris. Or I can hire someone to keep an eye on her when she’s home. I just—” He stops himself, then meets my eyes. “I can’t protect you the way I need to if you’re here.”
Protect.
I look down at my plate, my appetite gone. “You know how that sounds, right?”
“Yes.” He pushes his hair back, the edge of a tired smile breaking through. “Like I’m overstepping. Like I’m trying to control you, and we both know that I’m not a good man, but I’m good enough to keep you alive.”
“When would you want me t—”
“Today.”
I hate the way my chest tightens at that. I hate it sounds both irresistible and irresponsible, the danger that feels like safety only because it’s him.
I stare at him, speechless. The silence stretching between us. He breaks it first.
“Think about it,” he says, clearing the plates, and I see him hesitate as he softly adds, “you’d make the place less unbearable.”
He turns toward the sink, and I stare at his back, wondering when my life became a series of impossible choices between what terrifies me and what I can’t stay away from.
When my mom eventually comes home, she understands where Liam is coming from. They both agree that having a stalker lately is growing more and more concerning.
I’d also be lying if I wasn’t in a tortured mind space, it has been weighing heavily, the fear of being watched and not knowing what they want from me. And a little space between my mom and me would be good. It also helps that she met a man in Paris and doesn’t mind spending time with him. When I remind her of the times she had forbidden me to see Joe, she says the circumstances are different now.
Somehow, I have this feeling that whoever has it out for me has something to do with Joe, and either she doesn’t compute that little detail or she just ignores it.
With that, I guess I’m moving from one cuckoo’s nest to another.
I shouldn’t be in charge of making decisions.
Twenty-Four
Sara
In a series of unfortunate events, I moved in with Liam. I’ve now been in his house for a week, and I can’t believe this has become my life, a necklace of pearls of each event after event, jeweled at my neck in a chokehold.Help?
I’m one to go with the flow because that current attempted to drown me too many times, and now, I follow a path that is not always the most obvious path one would take.
I’m drawn to Liam. He’s a masterpiece of contradictions, alluring in ways that are not only physical but also possess a softness and a deep loyalty that lives in him. He’s warm whenyou least expect it, and I’m seeing a version of him that perhaps just wants to be loved like everyone else. Yet, living with Liam is nothing short of… Confusing?
He seems to have relaxed knowing I’m safe in the house, but he’s been holding himself back to start what we were on the verge of starting.I guess him and Joe have that in common. Good Lord.Regardless, it’s for the best.
I told him I’ll stay in Joe’s room, not that there are many other options, and I only ended up embarrassing myself when he looked at me with his upraised brow and suggested I’m welcome to take the couch if I'd prefer that too. Jerk.
I need to pour a bucket of ice over my head with this man being under the same roof, and it’s pissing me off. When he walks around half naked after a shower, when he thinks of always getting food for me, when he draws me a bath just to remind me I should rot in warm water with a book, when I’ve fallen asleep on the couch and he turns the tv off and covers me as I keep my eyes closed pretending I’m still asleep; things only intensify in my chest.
It would be easier if he would go back to asshole mode but for the first time, I see an implausibly beautiful, handsome man who is trying to survive his darkness, and I think I remind him of his demons, of everything he promised himself to stay away from.
I tell myself that this is probably for the best. When all of this is over, we’ll part ways and I’ll go back home. Perhaps I’ll consider the university in Paris I’ve thought about. I’m very attracted to him, but the guilt that comes with him being Joe’s brother is keeping me caged, and being restrained in this house has rattled me.
Meanwhile, the one I haven’t shied away from is Fiasco The Potato. He’s been such a cutie patootie, all paws and floppy ears. He’s grown so much that I wholeheartedly believe he’s half Labrador, half cow.
Moof.
I've settled into a strange rhythm here, peaceful on the surface, but with a silence that amplifies every thought I try to escape. My heart and mind are yearning for elements that are out of reach, and it always goes back to Liam.
He wakes up before I do, and I hear the clatter of pans and the smell of coffee brewing, and he’s the first thing I see. This burning feeling of appreciation follows me around. I’m furious at myself for wanting more and yet not knowing what it is I’d ask for. The memory of his arms around me, my breath heavy against him, enveloped by his scent, is enough to… miss him.
