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“To be precise, her parents thought that she would fulfill her dominant vampire heritage by taking a life and completing the transformation. They knew the only other alternative was for her to die.”
“Beingjust a regular girl — ”
“Was always impossible,” Mrs. Bethany said coolly. “Bianca was given life, but only so much.”
I sank down to the ground, mist taking form into a shadow of my body. Had anybody walked by at that moment, they probably could have seen me, but I didn’t care. I needed to feel something solid to rest on. It Wasn’t that what Mrs. Bethany had said hurt; to the contrary, it felt weirdly and yet undeniably right. My astonishment at my own reaction seemed to knock something out of me.
Mrs. Bethany’s voice gentled. “It’s hard for you to hear, isn’t it? But in time, I think, knowing this will lessen your pain. You could not have saved her, Mr. Ross. You endangered her no more than her parents did — though they will never accept that.”
“I don’t think I can either.”
“You still see death as the worst thing that can possibly happen. It isn ‘t..”
“I know there’s something worse than being dead,” Lucas said, each word grinding out. “Because we’re there.”
“You miss being alive.” I expected her to say that he was foolish to do so; nobody seemed to get more pleasure out of being a vampire than she did. But Mrs. Bethany added, very quietly, “So do I.”
Lucas said, “Never gets any better, huh?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Astonishment overcame my melancholy. I became transparent again so that I could peek once more through her window; Mrs. Bethany sat with 104 her hand on Lucas’s shoulder, her thick, grooved nails dark crimson against his black sweater. He didn’t shy away from the touch.
Is she . .. hitting on him? I rejected the idea instantly; it Wasn’t that kind of gesture. There was no denying that a bond had been formed, however — and that in some ways, right now, Mrs. Bethany could understand what was going on with Lucas better than I could.
Wordlessly, she patted his shoulder. Lucas obeyed the unspoken suggestion by rising to his feet. Mrs. Bethany walked him out of the carriage house — completely unconcerned about his having broken into it — and the entire way back to Evernight itself. They didn’t part until they were both inside the great hall; a few people studying during their free period glanced at the scene, registering to their surprise that Lucas had apparently gotten teacher’s pet status. I wondered if that would make the other vampires back off, or target him even more.
“English class calls,” she said. “Dare I hope that you’ve done the reading?”
Lucas said, “I read Catcher in the Rye on my own a couple years ago, actually.”
“Of course. You would be primarily self — taught. What did you think?”
“That Holden Caulfield is a self — pitying loser who needs more to do wirth his time.”
Mrs. Bethany smiled slightly. “Although I would phrase things more delicately, our analyses are similar in substance. Which means I will call on you. Be ready.” She checked the old — fashioned gold wristwatch she wore. “You have several minutes yet if you wished to shower,” she said, in a tone of voice indicating that he should definitely consider it.
She went on her way, and Lucas immediately started jogging upstairs to do what she’d said. He was smiling — really smiling, like it came from his heart. I felt almost jealous, more like a tagalong than his constant companion, until he whispered, “Can you believe that?”
“You did get kind of sweaty sparring with Balthazar.”
“No, I mean, can you believe she let me off?”
“Nope. Then again, you are pretty charming.”
“Charm’s not my strong suit.”
“I disagree.” Carefully, I said, “You know not to trust her, right?”
Lucas remained silent as he walked out onto the floor of the guys’ dorm where he lived. Finally, when we reached his room, he said, “She cut me slack, and she didn’t have to.”
“She hates Black Cross a lot, and I get that she feels sorry for you because of what happened with them, but … the traps, Lucas. She’s out to get ghosts like me. One of those traps nearly killed me.”
“Maybe she’s just scared of what she doesn ‘ t understand,” he protested as he stripped off his sweater and shirt, dumping them on the floor atop the wet towels no doubt left over from Balthazar’s shower. Guys never seemed to realize that doing laundry was an option. “Bianca, You’re still frightened of the wraiths, and you are one. So it’s not an unreasonable reaction.”
I had trouble imagining Mrs. Bethany being scared of much of anything. But Lucas Wasn’t totally wrong about her either; she’d come through for him when none of his friends could, not even me.
just the same, I couldn’t have any real faith in her. Not yet. “You won’t tell her about me, will you? That I’ve become a wraith, and that I’m here with you?”
