I nod like a bobblehead as I talk.
“I think it was the right move to make. I mean, what if he stayed and then we struggled to pay our bills or feed the baby and he resented me for it? I’d never forgive myself.”
“But if he wants to stay and give it all up, that’s his choice.”
“No one should give up everything they want in life because they are having kids. We can make this work by living in separate states. People do it all the time.”
June rubs my back. “If that’s what you want, I know you’ll make it work.”
“I do. We will.”
“In the meantime, let’s just get you the paperwork for child support so you have it.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Sydney, just think about this. You want to push him away. What if he gets super mad at you and refuses to help because you made him leave?”
“He’d never do that.”
“People do weird things when they are mad. You two have never been in a fight. You need to be prepared. Even if you don’t fill it out, at least you will have it, and if the worst-case scenario happens, you don’t want to be scrambling to figure out what to do.”
Oh, God. I groan and stuff my face in a pillow. “Two weeks ago, I was in this state of bliss about the two of us starting a family, and now I’m talking about having child support paperwork on hand if he decides he wants to screw me over. How did I get here?”
“Life?” June offers.
I don’t want to admit that her reasoning makes sense, but for peace of mind, maybe it wouldn’t hurt.
“I’m not filling it out.”
“That’s fine.”
“Where do I even go for it?”
“You can get it online. I’ll send you the link, okay?”
“Thanks,” I say weakly and then close my eyes.
Maybe if I fall asleep, I can dream up a life that is nothing like the one I’m currently living.
Mark
Leave without her . . . she’s lost her mind.
I don’t even know what happened this morning, but I’m pretty confident that my “I love you” admission did, in fact, freak her out. So much so that nothing made sense the other morning. She said she didn’t have feelings for me, but I know that’s not true. What we have . . . it’s not one sided. It’s not. I think she’s worried about moving across the country while we are only dating. It has to be it. Nothing else makes sense.
She needs a bigger commitment. She needs security. I head up to my room and dig to the back of my sock drawer.
I’d planned to do this eventually.
I pull out the black velvet box and pop it open.
A shiny diamond set on a simple white gold band sits inside.
I snap the box closed and head to my closet, pulling down the box I labeled Old Shit. Setting it on my bed, I pull out the items I’d bought to make this big, elaborate proposal for Syd.
We need to talk first, I know this, but as soon as we patch things up, I’m doing it. Tonight. I’m tired of beating around the bush on what we should do. I don’t care where we are as long as we are together.
I jog down the stairs, ring box and decor in hands, ready to set this up.
