I should have told her how I feel last night.
But I didn’t.
I told her everything else except that.
Telling someone you love them in the middle of a fight seems wrong. Like a last-ditch desperate effort to convince someone to love you back.
I didn’t want that.
She didn’t deserve that.
But now that I’m lying here, staring at the side of the bed that should be filled with her smile and her laugh, I wonder if it would have made a difference.
I would have meant every word, but it was clear she was struggling to believe me.
Not once in our entire friendship did I give her a reason not to trust me.
Not once.
Everything changes when feelings get involved. When your heart is at risk of breaking.
I suck in a breath and roll to my back.
And let me tell you, it really does hurt.
* * *
I do get up to make some food—a broken heart still needs to eat. Well, mine does.
I make a BLT sandwich and grab the cheddar chips Natalie loves and sit by myself at the kitchen table. One of her sweaters is hanging off the chair across from me.
What’s the right move here? Go after her, or give her space to figure this out on her own?
I want to find her and hold her and shake her, tell her to trust me, trust us, until she does. But I can’t make that choice for her.
She’ll come back for it, won't she?
* * *
Early afternoon is also a bust. I worked out. It was mediocre. My heart wasn’t in it because Natalie took it with her wherever she went.
God, I’m pathetic.
She really doesn’t feel the same?
I just can’t wrap my head around it.
There’s no way I could feel this way and not have it returned. Then again, being in love is tricky.
This is stupid.
I’m calling her.
This is not how we end. I’m not letting days or weeks go by. Hell, it’s been six hours, and I’m not accepting this as over.
If she wants to see me committed to someone, she’s got it. I’m committed to reminding her how special she is to me day in and day out. How baking frustrates me, but I’ll do it every day of my life to make her those oatmeal cookies she likes. I’ll get a cat, even though I can’t stand them, just to make her happy. I’ll wake up every morning to train for a marathon with her if she asks me to … again. I’m committed. From the smallest thing in our life to the biggest, I’m hers.
I grab my phone and pull up her name, calling her without a second thought.
