Ethan shrugged with indifference. “Contact my solicitor.” With that, he left the room.
* * *
One hour later, Ethan drove through the city. What the hell had he been thinking all this time? He thought as he swerved past a bike rider taking up most of the lane, he’d spent years focusing on building his career at the expense of everything. And in doing so, he’d forgotten about what really mattered. He was ashamed of himself. He’d believed money and a career, which provided for him and his family were more important. His focus fell on the hard times and the struggles of the past, instead of all the great years his family had beforeandafter his father’s death. Yes, their mother had worked hard, but there wasn’t a day that their home wasn’t filled with love. Even during his darkest times, the love she had for her children pulled them through. Love and family were important. Not fame and fortune—those he could live without. He couldn’t live without Holly.
“I fucked things up,” he muttered as he parked his car in a spot outside a grey brick building. After searching for her, and not finding her at home or the café, his next stop was the makeup academy. Nerves had him gripping the steering wheel. Not even auditioning for a role got his knees shaking like this. He took a deep breath, picked up the paper bag from the passenger seat and got out of the car, making his way inside. He needed to find Holly and hope that what he’d once seen in her eyes, what he’d once felt in her touch, hadn’t disappeared. That he hadn’t destroyed it.
Sliding doors opened up into a lobby area. A few people lingered around, sipping coffee and chatting amongst themselves. Avoiding being noticed, he pulled the bill of his cap down—the ‘Australian Made’ one he bought the night Holly went searching for a hostel to stay, and ducked his head as he walked past them.
The board on the wall with the list of businesses in the building told him what room he needed. Ethan made his way down a long corridor. The sounds of guitars playing and people singing drifted from rooms in the building. When he found the class, he took a deep breath and entered the room. He blinked a few times due to the bright lightbulbs surrounding the wall-to-wall mirrors. It was a makeup trailer on steroids. Students stood around their subjects sitting in chairs working on them. A strong smell of perfumed products floated thick in the air and conversation was loud and happy.
It didn’t take a second to spot Holly. She was applying eyeshadow on a woman. Laughing at something she’d said. God, he missed that sound.
As if she’d felt his presence, she lifted her gaze from her student and their eyes locked in the mirror’s reflection. The brush in her hand suspended in mid-air. Slowly she put it down and turned. The woman in the chair Holly was working on also swivelled in her seat then squealed, “Ethan Doyle!”
The class turned to see what was happening. A moment later, the room filled with noise and chatter. All he heard was Holly whisper, “What are you doing here?”
Suddenly phones were pointed back and forth between him and Holly—filming—because a famous actor was in the room or they’d picked up on tension.
“Can we talk outside?” he asked.
She nibbled on her bottom lip, looking unsure. Was she going to refuse? Then she nodded and walked past him and through the door.
The room filled with giggles and whispers as they left.
Ethan’s posture slumped with relief and he followed her to an alcove in a wall away from prying eyes. God, he wanted to pull her into his arms and touch her. He needed to hold back. It was the hardest thing he’d had to do.
Taking in her beautiful face, he said, “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” she whispered. That was a good start—he hoped.
Her gaze trailed over his body. Not in a way that told him she wanted to jump him, more with surprise. “You’re wearing jeans and a t-shirt and thathat.”
Ethan couldn’t remember the last time he’d worn casual clothing and had to delve deep in his wardrobe to find some. He’d grown accustomed to the finer things, money could buy and surrounded himself with them. He wrapped them around him like a security blanket. Wearing casual clothes reminded him too much of the times he’d had to rely on charity shops for basic clothing items.
He had nothing to prove anymore. All the fancy clothes and restaurants hadn’t made him the man he was today. It was his upbringing, the good with the bad and it was time to stop being ashamed and hiding his old life.
“I like it.” A ghost of a smile lifted the edges of her lips.
He wanted to take the sadness from her eyes and make her smile bright.
Before he told her how he felt, he needed to explain why he’d believed choosing his career over a relationship was for the best.
“I told you when my dad died, my family struggled. I hated watching my mother work so damn hard to support us.”
She nodded.
“What no one knows is during that time, I fell into a dark place. A place I scratched and clawed to pull myself out of. I was so depressed, I…considered… ending things. It took me months to breathe again. And I did everything I could to never sink back into that hole.”
Sadness filled her eyes. “Your family didn’t know?”
He shook his head. “You’d think you’d know if someone you loved was depressed, especially your family, the people you’re the closet to, like it was stamped on your forehead for everyone to see. They’re the ones I fooled the most. They had no idea. I smiled and laughed on cue, but my insides festered.”
“Did you get help?”
“Only one person picked up on it. Out of all my teachers, it was the drama teacher—the play I signed up to because of a girl.” He gave a small smile. “I guess she was good at detecting real and fake emotions. Anyway, she encouraged me to see the school counsellor. I promised I’d go if my mum never found out. She didn’t need the extra stress. After I left school and when I could afford it, I went to a psychologist regularly until I finally began to feel like myself again. I make an appointment every six months to stay on the safe side.”
“Oh, Ethan, I’m so sorry you’ve been through all that. I don’t get why you’re telling me all this now?”
