“And you’re loving every second.” I’ve never seen Finn so happy.
Finn’s longer-than-normal hair hangs over his forehead, dark circles smudge under his eyes, and it looks like he hasn’t shaved in days, but his face lights up with pride. “Yeah, my baby and baby momma are awesome.”
“I should let you get back to them.” And hopefully stop him from asking questions. I rise from the chair to get ready to leave.
Finn holds up a hand. “Not so fast. You’re not getting away that easily. Does this mean you’re putting yourself first for once and living a little?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Finn leans his hip on the counter and crosses his ankles. “Since having Lily, you live like a monk. You don’t go out—”
“I go out.”
Finn shakes his head. “Work doesn’t count, and a lot of the time, you work from home. When was the last time you went out with buddies for a drink?”
I scratch the back of my neck. “I have Lily to think about. Now that you have Avery, you should understand that all you want to do is put her needs first. Keep her safe. You’ll do anything to protect her.”
“I get that. I’d die for Avery.” Finn rubs a hand over his chest. His baby girl has buried herself in his heart. “But you need some time for yourself. This woman you’re seeing—”
“I’m not seeing her,” I interrupt. “It was just…” A mistake. Something I should never have let happen. Yet those moments together—touching her…tasting her—I can’t get it out of my mind.
“You picked up a woman for a one-night stand?” Finn’s eyes widen. He knows how I feel about them, and the reason I’d never have one again.
If it hadn’t been for Harper’s call, I would have gone against my rule. Would I have come to my senses and stopped before it was too late? The way Alyssa felt under my hands, the way my body responded to her… I’m not so sure.
“It was a mistake.” I prop myself back on the stool and drop my head in my hands. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” I’d been thinking how much I wanted her.
Finn pushes away from the counter. “There’s nothing wrong with having needs. God, you’ve gone eight years without sex! It’s okay to let off steam occasionally. Even if it’s only for a night.”
“The last time I needed to ‘let off steam’ it changed my life forever.”
Finn points at the door the girls left through. “And Lily is amazing. I bet you can’t imagine life without her.”
Yes, Lilyisamazing. She’s the best and hardest thing in my life. The first two years raising a baby on my own had not been easy. Yet every time she smiled, laughed, and held my hand, my heart melted more and more with love, and I’d remember how lucky I was to have her.
“Lily is a blessing, but I can’t risk going through it again,” I say.
“Okay, I get you’re worried about sleeping with a stranger, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a lasting relationship.”
“A relationship is the last thing on my mind. Between work and Lily, I have no time.”
Finn shakes his head. “Make time. Maybe you’ll stop walking around like you have a stick up your ass and smile once in a while.”
I throw Finn a fuck-you look. “I’m happy with my life the way it is.”
“Yeah, it looks like it,” Finn says, sarcasm dripping from the words. “Good luck having to deal with blue balls for the rest of your life.” He chuckles.
“You have blue balls?” Our heads turn toward the kitchen’s entrance to find Harper and Lily. Lily’s eyes light up with excitement. “Can I play with them?”
At home, I tuck Lily into her bed. She snuggles with a blue penguin stuffed toy—which is missing an eye—that she’d gottenas a baby. As I brush her sandy-brown hair from her face, her eyelids blink heavily over her deep brown eyes. She resembles her mother. It always causes my heart to ache that a person could be so callous and not want anything to do with their daughter. How had she looked into her newborn’s face then tossed her aside? Like she meant nothing more than trash?
At first, I’d assumed she’d been going through postpartum depression. I’d offered her the best care and treatment available. Soon I learned she wanted freedom over the responsibility of raising a child.
Hopefully, I’m providing enough love for two parents, and Lily won’t feel like she’s missing something. One day soon, I know I’m going to have to explain to Lily why her mother left her. I’ve been putting it off, not wanting to break her heart.
“Daddy?” Lily says around a wide yawn. “Are you mad at me?”
I sit on the edge of her bed. “Why would I be mad at you?”
