“The twenty questions I know you’re dying to ask.”
Finn leans his elbows on the table. “I’m thinking more like fifty.”
I roll my eyes.
“So, Alyssa…” Lucas says.
“What about Alyssa?” Just because they want information doesn’t mean I have to make it easy for them.
“Something has happened between the two of you,” Lucas states. I drum my fingers on the table. They both look at me expectantly. “Tell us.”
“There’s not much to tell.” I sit back in my seat, enjoying their irritated expressions.
“Bullshit.” Finn points a finger at me. “Harper knows something and is keeping her mouth closed. Lucas overheard an interesting conversation about Alyssa being naked. So, what’s going on?”
“You know I don’t have to tell you anything, right? What happens in my private life is none of your business.”
They both pull a face like I’m talking shit. My brothers are my best friends. When something is happening in each other’s lives, we know about it whether we’re happy to share the information or not. We’ve always been close, but after learning about our father’s lies and what he pulled between Finn and Harper, we’ve become even closer. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
“Your businessisour business,” Lucas says.
We pause the conversation when the waiter arrives with our drinks. After he leaves, their attention is focused on me again. I take my time sipping the scotch.
“Okay, quit stalling and tell us what the fuck is happening with Alyssa,” Lucas demands.
Taking another sip, I put my glass on the table and pull in a deep breath. I tell them about the night I helped Alyssa home after her fall. How things went too far in her apartment and I left without saying a word. I go on to tell them about Lily’s private lesson, the coffee spill, and without too many details, what wenton in the shower. Shame heats my face when I explain what happened next.
“You kicked her out of your house after you nearly fucked her?” Lucas says incredulously.
I blow out a frustrated breath. “I didn’t kick her out! I asked her to leave.” God, Alyssa and now my brothers believe I kicked her out. I guess no matter how I try to spin it, it doesn’t look good.
Finn holds his hand up in a calm-down gesture. “Okay, okay. You asked her to leave. She got upset. You did lead her on. Not just once but twice.”
I twirl the glass in my hand on the table. Christ, I am an asshole. Who does that to someone? Me, obviously. Because I’m fucked up. “One minute I’m remembering all the reasons why I don’t sleep around, and the next, I’m almost fucking her. What’s wrong with me?”
“You’re a man who hasn’t had sex in eight years,” Finn says like the answer is obvious.
“It’s never been a problem before. Why now? Why with Alyssa?”
Finn and Lucas stare at me like I’ve lost my marbles. Finn says, “Because you’re obviously attracted to her. Maybe there’s something more you’re feeling.”
I shake my head. “No, there can’t be more. I don’t have time. I have Lily and work and…and…”Fear.Fear that I’ll be left with a newborn at my doorstep. I know I’m being irrational; what are the chances of it happening again? Yet the thought turns my blood to ice.
“You can have those things. It wouldn’t hurt to let yourself go occasionally. Have some fun. Life isn’t only about work and Lily,” Finn says before taking a sip of his drink.
“A good fuck—hell, any fuck—would do wonders for you. I swear if you leave it any longer, you’ll be a virgin again,” Lucas jokes.
“Doesn’t work like that.”
“Might.”
I roll my eyes.
“The last time I let myself have a good fuck, nine months later Rachel dumped Lily at my feet.” My gut burns, not because of the alcohol but the feeling the memory evokes.
“Lily is great. Rachel did you a favor. The chances of that ever happening again are slim to none,” Finn says. Exactly what I’ve been thinking. Yet fear takes over. Enough to not take the risk again. “Are you going to stay celibate for the rest of your life?”
After getting the biggest hard-on in my life with Alyssa, my desire is roused. Blazing like a bushfire out of control. Needing some relief. Something I can’t provide for myself anymore. I don’t burn for any woman. It’s Alyssa.
