No one has ever saw past the mask I’ve learned to put on. At first, being compared to Christina and being told I wasn’t good enough had me running to my room crying. It didn’t take long to learn how to suck back the tears, put a smile on my face, and pretend their words didn’t hurt. They believed me. That’s how good I was at hiding my feelings. Yet Hayden saw through it.
Letting go of his mug, he puts his hand on top of mine. “Do you want to talk about it? Or you can tell me to mind my damn business.”
My lips tilt into a smile. I’m loving this warm, strong hand on top of mine. It’s comforting. “Before I arrived here, I had a phone call from my mother. She loves to remind me that my choice of career isn’t suitable for the family’s reputation and I’m an embarrassment. She also insisted I attend my sister’s ballet so I can aspire to be just like her.”
Hayden squeezes my hand. “Jesus. She said that to you?” The tone in his voice hardens. “What the hell is wrong with her?”
I give a nonchalant shrug. “I’m used to it. Throughout my life, my parents have compared me to Christina. If I’m not dancing at her level, I’m a failure.”
“Have they seen you dance? You’re amazing. They should be proud not embarrassed.”
“It means a lot that you think I’m amazing.” I don’t hear it often. Not that I need praise every time I’m on stage. It’s just nice to have someone believe in you.
“I don’t just think it, Iknowit,” he says. “If they can’t see how great you are, there’s something wrong with them. Not you.”
If only my parents thought the same way. I wouldn’t be busting my ass trying to please them.
I give a ghost of a smile. “They’re highly experienced dancers. Both have performed around the world on all the major stages. They even danced for Queen Elizabeth. They are considered gods in the ballet community. So, they know what they’re talking about.”
Hayden slaps the palm of his hand on the counter, which makes me jump. I’m surprised by the hard expression on his face. “No one should be treated that way. I don’t care how experienced they are. I’m sorry you go through it.”
My heart flutters. I love how defensive he is over me. I love having him in my corner.
“If their names are so respected, why don’t they help you get your break?” he asks. “If they’re embarrassed by where you work, why don’t they do something about it?”
I twirl my cup in my hand. “I refuse to use their influence to land jobs.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Why?”
“They would control where and who I dance with. I want to make that decision. I want to make it on my own. How will I ever know if I’m good enough unless I do it myself? I don’t even use my surname when I audition. I use a stage name so no one can join the dots.”
Hayden stares at me with pride. Something I’ve never seen on my parents’ faces. “You are amazing. They don’t know how extraordinary their daughter is.”
My cheeks grow warm at the compliment. “Thank you.”
“So, you have a stage name?” His lips turn into a crooked grin. “What is it?”
Putting on a faux stern façade, I swivel around on my seat, cross my legs, and fold my arms over my chest. “If you think it’s something kinky, you’re wrong. It’s Alyssa Martin. Not so different from my real name.”
“You’ve popped that fantasy,” he jokes.
I giggle.
His face turns serious. “Has performing on Broadway always been your dream?”
“Not always. I thought I’d be a prima ballerina like my mom, like we knew Christina would be. When I came to the realization I wasn’t good enough, I turned my love for theatre into my next passion. My agent has an audition lined up for me tomorrow.”
Hayden frowns. “Can you dance with your injured ankle?”
“Yes.”
His frown deepens. “After Lily’s lesson, I saw you massage it.”
“I’ve had worse injuries and danced through it. This is nothing. I can’t let the opportunity go.”
“Is this what you truly want? Or are you doing this for your family?”
Is it what I want? It’s not the first time I’ve questioned my career choice. Performing is all I know. All I’ve envisioned. I’m doing this for me and my family. I need to prove to them I can make it. Then when I do, they’ll look at me with the same pride as Hayden. If I can do this, maybe one day they’ll love me like they do Christina.
