Turning my back on her, I leave the coffee shop with heaviness weighing on my shoulders. How can that monster be the mother of my sweet, sensitive, gorgeous little girl? For a moment I was petrified she’d really come for Lily. That Lily’s world would be turned upside down. I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. This is why I kept our lives simple. Just the two of us. So nothing or no one could ever come between us.
Walking up the stairs to the studio, my body is quivering with rage. Before I enter the room, I pause to pull in several deep, fortifying breaths. I should have taken a few minutes to calmdown before picking up Lily. All I want is to see my daughter, wrap my arms around her, and protect her. When my racing heart simmers down, I walk into the waiting area.
Through the studio’s window, I see Lily at the front of the room with Alyssa and the student teacher demonstrating dance moves for the students in the class who are twice her age. I watch her little face beam with happiness. The way she smiles fills my heart with love. She is my life.
No one in class notices me watching; they’re focused on the lesson. My gaze drifts to Alyssa. She’s holding Lily’s hand and instructing her to do something. Lily gets on her toes, folds up one leg, and Alyssa spins her around like she’s standing in a music box. Lily’s giggles float in the air to me. Alyssa is giggling alongside Lily. Cheering her on with every spin.
When Lily stops, she wobbles dizzily on her feet. Alyssa puts her hands on Lily’s shoulders and hugs her to her chest. After a moment, she pulls away and gives Lily a high-five. A lump lodges in my throat. I swallow hard to push it down. There’s no doubt Alyssa genuinely cares for Lily. It’s easy to see that the feeling is mutual. After every class, all I hear is Miss Alyssa this…Miss Alyssa that. Alyssa would have fit easily into our little family. The way I reacted when I forgot to use a condom and seeing Rachel has sent my mind whirling. I’m not sure if I’m ready like I thought I was.
A few seconds later, Alyssa’s gaze locks with mine. Her smile drops. From this distance, I can read the concern on her face. She says something to Nikki then takes Lily’s hand and walks her out to me.
“Hey, Lily Pily.” I force a smile. “I see you’ve been promoted to dance teacher.”
She giggles. “I was helping Miss Alyssa teach the class.”
Alyssa runs a hand along Lily’s shoulders. Another gesture of affection that comes so naturally. “Pretty soon she’ll have myjob,” she jokes, although I can see tension on her face. “Did the meeting you got called away for go well?”
“Yes, it did. Thank you. I won’t be having any more trouble from the supplier.”
Her shoulders visibly sag with relief. “I’m so glad to hear that.”
“Thank you for watching Lily.”
“No problem.”
Picking up Lily’s bag, I fling it over my shoulder. “See you next week.”
Lines furrow between her brows. I know we planned to talk about our relationship later tonight. With my head in such a mess, if we talk now, I’m worried I’ll screw things up even more.
God, I hate doing this to her. She deserves better. I always knew I wasn’t good enough for her.
Chapter Twenty-Six
HAYDEN
“Dad, who was that woman at ballet?” Lily’s question hits me like a boulder to the head. She’s tucked in bed, and thankfully, my back is turned toward her while I put her clothes away in the closet. I’m sure there is fear plastered across my face.
“What woman?” I’m stalling because I don’t know what the fuck to say to her.
“The woman who has the same hair as me.”
“You don’t have the same hair,” I say with a little too much force. Shit, I don’t want her to think I’m angry with her. Hanging the last dress, I turn to face her with a smile on my face. “She’s no one.” If I had the choice, that’s exactly who she would be.
Lily tucks the stuffed penguin under her chin. “She said I’ve grown up. Has she seen me before?”
“Once when you were a baby.”
How much longer can I keep the truth from her? Lily is too young to know what happened. It could mess up her life like it fucked up mine. Rachel won’t be back. Not if there’s no money. I don’t need to put Lily through the trauma of knowing she means nothing to the woman who birthed her.
Before Lily can ask any more questions, I bend to give her a kiss on the forehead. “It’s time for sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.”
She snuggles down into the blankets. “Love you too.”
Leaving her room, I close the door behind me. As I make my way downstairs there’s a knock at the door. Immediately I think of Alyssa. Even though I told her without saying the words that I’d changed my mind about her coming over, I’m glad she didn’t listen.
With enthusiastic strides, I reach the door and open it. My shoulders slump. Finn and Lucas are standing on the porch. “Oh, it’s only you.”
My brothers look at each other with amusement. “Wow, what a heartfelt greeting,” Lucas says with sarcasm.
