“Is this about Rachel?” Finn asks. “Will she try something else? Like somehow get between you and Alyssa?”
“I won’t see Rachel again.” I pull back on my beer. I need to wash away the foul taste in my mouth whenever I mention that bitch’s name.
Finn nudges my shoulder. “If it’s not Rachel, what’s fucked up your brain?”
“I had unprotected sex.” Christ, I still can’t believe I was so careless. There’s something about Alyssa that can make me get so lost in her that I forget about the real world.
Finn blows out a breath. Lucas lets out a long whistle. They both know how huge this is for me.
“Is she pregnant?” Lucas asks.
“It’s too soon to tell. She’s on the pill and told me not to stress.” I shrug. “I’m stressed.”
“Is this because you can’t see a future with Alyssa? Is she just someone you want to blow off steam with?” Finn asks.
I glare at Finn. He gives a hard stare back. This is his wife’s best friend. He’ll tie my balls in a knot if I’m only messing around.
“It was more than that. Then we had unprotected sex, and I’m back to being terrified. I thought I’d come to terms with what happened to me—to Lily. I finally could let myself fall in love with someone. But one careless action has changed everything.”
“Whoa! Did you say you fell in love?” Lucas claps. “This story keeps getting better and better. Well, maybe not the part where Alyssa might be pregnant. Although, I can’t see the problem since you love her.”
I rub my fingers up and down my forehead. A headache is brewing. What Lucas said is true—it shouldn’t be a problem. Yet I can think of many reasons it is. “Alyssa has a career that can take her anywhere around the world. A baby will get in the way.”
“Do you think she’ll leave you with a baby like Rachel did?” Finn asks.
“No…yes…I don’t know.” I’m so confused. I know I’m letting my experience with Rachel muddy my feelings for Alyssa.
Concern lines Finn’s face. “You said you fell in love. Do you know how Alyssa feels?”
Hearing Alyssa tell me she loved me was one of the best moments of my life. My cold heart that had been lying dormantfor so long began beating again with new energy. So much love poured from me, making me dizzy. “She loves me too.”
Finn lifts his palms up. “What’s the problem then? You love her. She loves you. If she’s pregnant, you’ll get through it together.”
I wish my brain could process it that way. “It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is. You’re making it complicated with all thesewhat ifs. What if she’s pregnant? What if she moves away for work? What if she leaves me with a baby?” Finn holds up his hand and counts with his fingers. “One—she’s on the pill. The likelihood of her getting pregnant is low. Two—she hasn’t made it on Broadway yet. When she does, who said she’s moving from New York City. Three—she would never dump a baby on you.”
I drop my head. “I’m being stupid, aren’t I?”
“No, not stupid. You’re cautious. Scared. It’s understandable. Alyssa is not Rachel. If you think for a moment that she would do to you what Rachel did, then you don’t deserve her. You’re pushing away someone you say you love for something she hasn’t done. For somethingsomeone elsehas done.”
My gut twists into a knot. That’s exactly what I’m doing. If I can’t sort my shit out and continue with a relationship with Alyssa, I’ll end up hurting her.
Hurting her is the last thing I want to do.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
ALYSSA
Sitting in the theatre, the buzz of excitement forSwan Lakesoon to start stirs through the room. The lights dim, the orchestra comes to life, and the stage fills with color and beauty. Ballet dancers, looking like they’re floating on air and can leap into the sky, grace the stage, and the performance begins.
I hold my breath, watching Christina in her first principal role as Princess Odette. The angles of her body, her strength, and sheer beauty is unlike anything I’ve seen before. I’ve watched old videos of my parents dancing, and I think my sister blows them out of the water. It won’t be long until she is the talk of the ballet world. She deserves this time in the spotlight. The hard work and dedication are paying off. Her talent is as natural as breathing.
There was a time the green-eyed monster reared its head inside of me. Especially when our parents compared us. It mademe rebel and not put in the time. What was the point when I wasn’t as good as Christina?
Now, as I watch her perform to a sold-out theatre, I’m so proud of her. The ballet scene is her world. It’s not mine. I love the variety of dance styles too much to stick to just one. That’s why Broadway is more suitable for me. After the call I’d gotten from my agent today, I’m finally going to live my dream.
After the final bow my parents and I head backstage to join Christina and the other dancers. The room is filled with excitement after their brilliant performance. When my sister spots us, she prances over. My parents, one at a time, air-kiss her cheeks like they’re acquaintances instead of family. I engulf her in a huge hug.
