He narrows his eyes. “You should be home with me. What if something happens to you?You’re alone.”
I’m going to have to get used to it. Well, only for another nine months, and then I’ll never be alone. Excitement flutters in my heart. I never pictured my life with a baby. Not in the near future anyway. Now that it’s happening, I can’t think of anything I want more. I only wish the man my heart aches for felt the same.
This isn’t a conversation we should have at my door. I move aside and gesture for him to come inside. He takes a seat in the armchair. I sink onto the couch opposite him. Picking up a cushion, I hug it tight against me. Like I’m using it to shield myself from Hayden and any negativity.
“Did you and Harper plan your day out so you could sneak home?” he asks with a little hurt shining from his eyes.
“No, it wasn’t planned. While we were at the park, I wanted to come home, because being surrounded by my own things makes me more comfortable.”And because staying so close to you is tearing me apart.
He stands like he’s too agitated to sit. “I can take more of your stuff back to my place if you’d like.”
“I don’t want to be a bother.” Why can’t he drop it and leave? It’s like he’s sucking up the oxygen in the room and I’m gasping for breath. Being near him and not having him in my arms is too much.
His jaw clenches. “It’s no bother.”
“You look like it is. If you frown any harder, your face will crack.” If I make him mad at me, maybe he’ll leave in a huff. Then I can curl up in a ball and decide where I go from here. I’m not ready yet to tell him about the baby. It’s still such a shock to me.
His shoulders rise and fall on a deep breath. “I’m frowning because you went behind my back and made a run for it! Was I not taking care of you well enough? You could have told me if you needed anything. I would give you anything.”
Except unconditional love.
“I’m sorry if you feel like it was a secret get-me-away-from-Hayden mission. It wasn’t. You’ve been wonderful. You’ve done so much for me. It’s time for me to come home.”If I had my way, I’d live with you forever. I’ve never felt more at home than with you.
“Come back with me. You’re not well enough to be on your own.” If he saidcome back with me and we will face whatever the world throws at us—baby or not—because I love you, then I’d run into his arms. He’s not offering anything more than to take care of me while I’m injured.
“While I was at the park, I spoke to Dr. Hofstein. He said if I’m feeling better, he has no concerns with me coming backhome on my own.” That’s not what he said…or he could have, I might have blocked the conversation out after he told me I was pregnant.
Hayden’s body tenses. “Why didn’t you tell me the doctor called? What else did he say?”
Once again, I see fear spreading over Hayden’s face. How could he ever have told me he loved me? Love is growing as a couple. Accepting things that come unexpectedly and dealing with them together. Supporting each other when times are hard. He looks like he’d rather swallow razor blades than learn he’s going to be a father.
“I told you. He said I can come back—”
He shakes his head. “About the blood test results.”
“I’m not pregnant.” The words spill from my mouth. I had no intention of lying. It was a reflex reaction. My way of protecting myself from Hayden’s disappointment.
Hayden’s body visibly sags, and he sinks onto the arm of the couch. Ice stabs through my heart. He doesn’t want to be a father again. It’s written clear as day over his face. Why did I hold a tiny bit of hope that he would be disappointed?
“Alyssa—”
I jump to my feet, ignoring the twinge of discomfort in my ankle. That pain is nothing compared to how my heart feels. “So, you’ve seen I’m okay and you know I’m not pregnant. I don’t want to keep you here any longer than necessary. I’m sure you have things to catch up on since babysitting me.” I need him out of the apartment—fast! Or I might break down.
“Can we talk?”
I hug my arms around my waist. “There’s nothing left to talk about.” There’s nothing left between us.
As he gets to his feet, his gaze lands onto the magazines on the coffee table. On top of the pile is a travel brochure for London.
“When are you leaving? Surely you can’t travel with a concussion.”
That’s not what I want to hear. Tell me not to go. Fight for me. Fight for us. Tell me you’re disappointed I’m not pregnant.I want to yell at him. He stares at me expressionless, not saying any of those things.
“As soon as I’m cleared by the doctor, I’ll make arrangements with my agent.” I swallow hard. I don’t know what I’m doing now or in the future. All I know is that I need Hayden to leave. Being near him is causing me so much pain I can barely stand.
He digs his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Lily will miss you. You’re her favorite teacher.”
That little girl has nestled into my heart, filling it with love. It’s hard leaving her too. Will she ever get the chance to meet her baby brother or sister? Will it be one more person from her family she’ll never get to know? Can I do that to her?
