I signal for the valet to bring the car around and hope we don’t have to wait long. Glancing at Penny, I see that all color has drained from her face. Her body is trembling, and I’m betting she’s trying her damned hardest to keep it together. I wrap my arms around her and use my body to shield her from the cameras. Pressing her face into my chest, I hear her sniffle. All I want to do is protect her. Fuck everyone for doing this to her.
As soon as the car arrives, I usher her inside. Jogging to the driver’s side, I slide in next to her and try to pull out onto the road. The paparazzi surround the car, pointing their cameras at us. I slowly drive forward, tempted to run them down, and finally get onto the road. We drive in silence until we arrive at the apartment building. Pulling into the entrance of the garage, I park and turn off the ignition. No one moves. We just sit in the dim silence.
Finally, she turns to me and says, “We can’t do this anymore.”
“What?” The soft light in the garage shows me she’s getting some color back in her face.
She waves a hand between us. “Pretend to be a couple. I don’t want you thrown into my mess of a life. It’s not fair for you. You should have walked away from me that night you found me in the hotel hallway.”
Incredulous at what I’m hearing, I twist in my seat. “You never asked me to do this. It was my choice,” I remind her.
“You have gone above and beyond. It’s time we end this. I’ll kick Darren out of my apartment and get on with my life, no matter the outcome.” Her phone rings, and she pulls it out of her purse and looks at the screen. “It’s Claudia. She’s probably seen what happened at the restaurant.” Penny declines the call. A second later, it rings again. She glances at the screen again, then blows out a frustrated breath. “My mom.”
“Don’t answer. You can call them back later. We need to talk.”
“If I don’t answer, she’ll only keep calling.” She accepts the call and presses the phone to her ear. “Hi, Mom. Before you ask me a thousand questions, I’m fine. I’m back at Lucas’ place. Love you. I’ll call you later.” She hangs up and gives me a ghost of a smile.
“Wish I could deal with my family like that. You need to teach me,” I joke, pulling a bigger smile from her. There’s my girl. And there’s that thought again…my girl. She’s not my girl, except the more time I spend with her, the more I see her that way. Maybe it is time for her to go. Not when I can’t offer her anything more than a fake relationship.
Am I ready for her to walk out of my life?
No.
And that’s fucking selfish.
Chapter Seventeen
PENNY
In Lucas’ apartment, I toss my purse on the coffee table and flop onto the couch. Lucas stays standing, his hands on his hips. He wasn’t pleased with my suggestion of ending things and moving out. Why? Our living arrangement is only about the crises I’m in. He’s made no mention of turning what we have into something real. If I stay any longer, I’ll get too attached. Who am I trying to kid? I am attached. This is something more to me than friendship.
When Lucas told Darren I was his girlfriend, my heart leaped with joy. We’ve talked about doing the fake relationship thing, but hearing the world ‘girlfriend’ said out loud was bittersweet. How wonderful if those words were true? It’s not hard to imagine what kind of life that would be. Especially with how he looked and touched me at lunch.
It’s easy to get lost in the fantasy of it being real. And the way he protected me from Darren, shielded me from the paparazziwhile waiting for the car, is something I’ll never forget. Being in his arms makes me melt. The world around me disappears. Never have I felt so safe. In that moment I was his and he was mine.
“Are you really considering leaving?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Was he not listening to me in the car? “I can’t keep pulling you into my drama.”
“Like I told you, it is my choice.”
“Don’t you want to go back to your daily routine? Have your apartment to yourself…date?” The word ‘date’ clogs my throat. I don’t want to picture him with another woman. Another sign I’m getting too close and now is the right time to back away before I fall too hard.
“I don’t date,” he says flatly.
“I know you said you don’t want marriage and kids but surely you date. I’ve seen you with women.”
Sitting on the arm of the couch, he crosses his legs at the ankles. “I haven’t dated in years. Ever since I learned about my father’s affairs. I fu—have one-night stands,” he corrects himself.
I don’t miss that he almost said ‘fuck’. Just because we haven’t been in each other’s lives for years doesn’t mean I haven’t read about him being a playboy in the tabloids. “You don’t see a woman more than once?”
He shakes his head. “Rarely.”
It gives me a thrill that he’s changed all that for me, but I say, “Living with me must be a huge inconvenience to your life. Don’t you want things to go back to normal?”
